Streaming Screaming Abandoned Love

[ What do I have to say? ]

What do I have to say?
Is it a whisper that you can't hear?
Or a silent cry that you can't see?
If I were to scream or run away
Would you even look for me?

I want to give and be for you, 
the only love you'll ever need.
To cherish you and place you above
Everyone  else in my life. 
Simply To be your wife.
Can't you see? 
You are my only need.  
And you?  What do you see?
My husband, when you look at Me, your WIFE?

What do I want?
I want to love every part of you. 
Not like an empty, hollow illusion on a screen 
but like it was meant to be with your wife.
I want to lie down beside you, 
and in your arms for the rest of my life.  
And I don't want to share you with other women,
Don't ask me to -
'Don't!'.
I simply won't.
But nor do I want to let you go.
So, I am lost with and without you. 
Either way.... I am just as alone.

Why did you let all these women come between us so?
Do they mean more to you than me?  
You search them out, store them away, you're with them alone 
Night and day... Day after day... after day.
So 'Who am I' to you anyway?

I want you to be my husband!
What do you think that means?
Once I thought I knew what it was 
but now the words; "You would love, honor, and cherish me, 
I was more important than any other person or thing in your life?"  --
Now they're meaninglessness words, broken vows, and seem like such a lie.  
Forsaken all others? And cling only to me?  
These were the vows that were spoken.  
Why then do I feel so broken?
I wanted to trust that you would forsake that past for us -  
That is ALL.
Instead, I am the one who feels forsaken;
left unclaimed.
Maybe I should just let go and let myself fall,
Instead of clinging to this broken dream.

I am foresaken for any woman, as easy as a click on a web page,
always there, no matter their name. 
You say, "I want more", not to me, but to them.  
You want none of me.
You call their names, speak the words I never hear.  
"Hey pretty lady", can I see your body now?  
Will you show me more?  More, more, always more.
All the pretty ladies -  
All colors, shapes, and sizes. 
What would you ever need ME for?

And then there are the ones from the past 
who haunt and taunt me like a nightmare, like a ghost.  
Except I am the real ghost here.
Here in this home we share, 
I look around and you aren't there.  
You are with a new attraction, 
looking for some action,
Fulfilling your latest fantasy and addiction.

It's not from me you see.  
You see right past me, I'm just the real ghost.
Solitary essence, invisible presence.
I feel you turn your eyes away, your thoughts, your texts, 
your wants and needs and all of your desires. 
You turn away from me and all of you is given to all the others.  
What does that leave for me?

An empty bed, untouched, unloved, 
neither a woman nor a wife.
Silenced, without a voice, no BODY.
I have so much I want to give you -
my love, and my very life.
But is this how it feels to be your wife?
For all that I am, all that I have to give to you, is silently rejected.
And our marriage bed goes neglected.

How do I feel?
Without your complete love, my love, 
I feel much less than alone.  
I could handle alone, if I were really on my own
But you won't ever let me go.
So, I have tried to understand,
this demon that hides within;
the subtle serpent was there long before we met.
Enticing you through streaming fantasy;
Creating a soulless reality;
Making you hide behind a self-loathing brutality;
Protecting the secret life you've kept.
Please don't you see I have tried  to be there for you,
What can I do?  I can't do it in my own.
You and I separated by these devil made walls, 
both alone.

The wife I wanted to be;
and was meant to be;
I can't be;
that demon within you won't let me be.
I need to be with the man I love, 
wholly and completely.
Not as this ghost, not as one of many, 
but the ONLY ONE, 
but you want something else, 
And you won't let me in.  
Won't you fight for us or should I simply say, 
You Win.  They all win.
The private screen... the stream.. the endless temptation wins again.

Why, then oh why, and how?
and where, oh where,
do we go from here?
My husband, my life, you tell me?  
That's the only question now.

I guess there is nothing left to say.
I'll be as quiet as the walking dead
Silence you say is the better way.
A broken heart and a quiet dread.
Laying here again in a lonely bed.

Is it a whisper then that you can't hear?
Or the silent cry that you can't see?
If I were to scream and run away
Would you even look for me?

The answer is left in silence: 'NO'!
So, I'll shut the door 'quietly' when I go.
So no one will ever notice or know.
After all, it was just a simple illusion, 
I was  never more than one of your haunting ghosts.