Stupid, small, rectangular box

I'm confused, baffled, unsettled. I am shamed for just existing. Most of my life Ive been treated this way. 
 Yet I take another breath. 

 I'm a child again, begging someone to give a fuck.

 Rejection, abandonment, dirty lil secret was my burden and cross to carry. Always has been. I don't understand why though. Guess God found it amusing or he would have made this horror movie of a life much better. Everyday I rearrange my life to fit into this stupid, small, rectangular, soffocating, tomb of a box.

 I sit in this box quietly doing my best to not disturb you. Or your friends or your frequent parties. While both of those I am not allowed. I feel like a unwanted, adopted child sitting in the corner being punished. Tell me what the fuck is it that I've done so bad to be shamed all my fucking life for just my existence. I just sit here and ask God why do I exist? I'm not aloud to be human anymore. But I'm supposed to watch my "friend" break every rule she ever gave me. While being looked down upon if someone comes to see me. Now she got her way only one comes to visit me. No one else is welcomed without punishment and belittling judgement. I fucking hate my life! I fucking hate this stupid, small, rectangular box! I'm in prison with a life sentence. My crime? Well it's simply cause I exist... This is control. This is evil. You already asking me where I can take my rectanglar stupid lil box. Fuck I hate this box! Why don't I deserve to be wanted and valued? I treat you good and watch your back. Do I not deserve the same in return? I pay half the bills here and none of my friends can use the bathroom, take a shower or do laundry but all of your can? How is that fair? Or maybe I should just accept that you don't care and you never thought of us as friends just a come up, a lick. Maybe we were never friends. Maybe just I thought of us that way. Your taking advantage of me and I'm just supposed to sit here silently freezing in this stupid, small, rectangular box. You know I'm cold and you have two empty rooms. I offered you more money to rent one but you just ignore me. It's insanely cold at night. Last night was bad. I had to beg my dog to cuddle with me so I could get warm. You know how cold it is but you don't care. I hate this stupid, small, rectangular box! And I'm beginning to hate you too! You are cruel and not my friend. You use me. You abuse me mentally and emotionally. You are not a good person and will never have my respect and friendship again. Lesson learned. Fuck you!

L. Mack

1/17/2022