"Sorry"

She pulls up to her driveway. 
The music blaring from her radio. 
I sit in my seat for a moment
Feeling my heart pounding through my chest

It's 2:30 in the morning 
I don't have to go to work 
So I can't really complain 
But I hate coming here this late 
Because I am always worried about
How the night is going to go 

I close my door and head to her car.
I try not to act like I'm concerned 
But I smell the booze on her breath
Hating that she's come back drunk once again.
She tells me that it's only when she goes out. 

I quietly take a deep breath and get into the car
Wishing that I did not have to deal with this again. 
She takes another swig of her companion 
Before she lights another cigarette.
Coming back from another night at the club.
She says, "I'm sorry" for the hundredth time.
It's just another bunch of broken promises. 

I try to say something else
But she goes straight to her phone
Talking to whoever needs her attention. 
I want to say something about that 
But she will just call me rude and I will take it.

I just look out the window, being ignored once more
Wondering if I am truly the rude one
Always being second place to a Facebook app. 
Or is she rude for always being attached to the damn thing? 
She calls out my name, I ignore it for a moment 
Until she says it one more time . 

I see the pained look on her face
As she tells me that she ran into her ex. 
I want to say something but I just ignore it. 
She looks like she wants to tell me something
I ask her to tell me what's wrong
But she always changes the subject. 
I say that I am here. 
She closes her eyes and takes another drag. 

I wish that she would let me in, but she keeps me far away. 
And takes another drink from her bottle. 
I just act like I don't care and hold her close to me 
Shaking my head in resignation. 
I give up and follow her back to her room. 

The next day while I was at home, I get a text message on the phone
Saying "Babe, we need to talk."
I wanted to call you and ask what is wrong. 
But I knew in my heart because we had been through this before.
Another "I feel like I lost something" moment.
It's the fourth one that she has pulled in the past year. 
Instead of replying, I just turned off the phone and threw it across the room. 

I wanted to talk to someone. 
But I shoved that thought aside...
Because everyone would throw their opinion into it 
Which was the last thing that I needed right now. 
Especially since I knew what was going to come,
Even though I know that the pain is coming 
I am not surprised by it. 
Always the same thing that happens
When she spreads herself too thin. 

But like always,something has to give 
And I know that I am going to be the one
That gets hurt in the process.
I took another look at my cellphone 
And just walked out of the room 
And got myself a drink. 
I looked out at the hills and tried not to think about this.

But I got down on my knees and cried
Thinking about all the times I tried to be strong
But even the strongest can't take it anymore.
Always telling me to not be the one to run. 
When she always finds some damn excuse to why
She needs to keep me away from her life. 

I threw my bottle across the room
Watching it break into a million pieces 
The tears still streaming down my face. 
Wondering why does she always end up hurting me.
Always saying 'Sorry' like it is the best excuse she could come up with

She opened the door and saw the bottle on the floor.
She just looked at me knowing that I knew why she was here.
I just shook my head and went to the fridge and had another beer. 
You told me that you hated when I did that. 
But I just said that it's no different from what you are about to do to me. 

She looked at me like I was doing something childish.
But I said that you are the one that runs more than me. 
And she says that she doesn't want to hurt me like the others did. 
All I can say is what they did and what you are doing are night and day.
She just laughs like she does when she gets angry 
Trying to hide the tears that she wants to cry. 

I wanted to walk out of my house but she stopped me 
Begging me to not walk away
But I tell her, that is what you always do to me when it gets rough
You always hid behind your job, responsibilities and everything else
I may want to run when it gets rough, but that is all you do. 
Or you try to handle it alone. 

I felt the sting of her hand slapping me on the face 
But I told the truth, I was not going to run from that. 
She told me that she thought I flew to extremes
I just said, I only go there because you always take us there. 
She didn't say anything, she just looked at me like I was wrong. 

How could this be the woman I fell in love with?
I don't recognize this person before me, 
But I just collapsed on the couch and prayed to God 
Wishing that this nightmare was over.