Where I want to be

We’ve been here before
We’re both older, but everything feels familiar
It’s all different, I feel that there is something more
I don’t even recognize the reflection I see in the mirror
 
Last time we were here, we thought that this was the end
The words that we said were like a knife that cut to the core
I was already dangling near the edge so ready to let the darkness descend
My body felt heavy as I slowly watched myself hit the floor
 
I just held my breath and waited for the crash
The sound of words and your actions still echo in the back of my mind
My foolishness and my desire to just leave this world I wear like a dark sash
But how can you get past the pain from a cut that was so unkind
 
I don’t know which pain is worse
But I know that the wounds we caused are ones that can be healed
I am so tired of running from you and I want to stay the course
I just want to let those things we let get in the way be buried and sealed
 
As I feel the earth move beneath me, my heart starts to beat again
The sound of your voice breathes new life into my empty soul
I close my eyes feeling like I want to burst and I silently count to ten
Knowing that you are near and a small part of me begins to feel whole
 
I stayed away from you because if I saw you I would fall apart
Regardless of the things I did or said, I still loved you more than I could fathom
But how many slings and arrow does it take to destroy a heart
Especially when I have to prepare for you to disappear like a phantom
 
Even through all the pain and the heartache, I knew I still loved you
Though I tried to move on and see if I could find love, it just felt like I was in denial
While being around someone just eased the loneliness, but my heart knew what was true
I just pushed those thoughts aside rather than pick up the phone and just dial
 
What could I say to you to make you feel better?
So many nights I wanted to drive out to see you, but I had to digress
Even looked at an empty screen just wishing to put those feelings in a letter
Wanting to apologize and just find a way out of this mess

I know that we are so different
You, a woman who has to be strong because it is just what is expected
That sometimes with everything going on I feel insignificant
Me, a man who stays strong for you because this is what I accepted
 
I don’t know what it is you want from me
Though I know that see more beyond my insecurity
Just as I see that you are giving me the key
Because you see something beyond my timidity
 
I know I don’t want to be hurt by you again
I don’t know if I could stand the pain of losing you forever
There are no such things as guarantees when it comes to pain
Though they say that sometimes it’s a little too close to pleasure

I don’t know if that makes me a fool
Especially since my entire soul tells me to trust in you
After going through things that others would find as cruel
But standing by you and loving you is something I will always want to do