Poem -
terra incognito
unfamiliar
unknown
ever looming,
threatening, constantly,
a dark silence lay in wait;
always I avoided it -
now, finally,
I listened.
It was no bogeyman
who lived
in that darkness,
there were no bear traps
hidden in the leaves −
nothing but the beginnings we shared −
I only had no eyes
to behold any light;
all light there was corrupted
when you chose
to let me
live the life.
Since I feel your presence close by,
since we met again in ways,
I hold that darkness in my arms,
and I mourn you now.
The darkness weighs me down less,
becomes
twilight before sunrise…
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Comments
This is the second poem I wrote about my Vanished twin brother, 'back' in 2017. The picture is of the central piece of my memorial altar, bought in Amsterdam in 1988. I just had to have it, without knowing why...
Haunting piece John, speaks to me of the beginnings of a sad acceptance of a hurt that must shouldered. I thought this before I read your explanation and that is a truly heavy burden I imagine...the 'not knowing'...many hugs ?
Hi, Marion, thank you. It is exactly what was happening three years ago. I am slowly learning to deal with the Vanishes Twin Syndrome (wrote another poem two weeks ago, which I am now translating into English - a hard one again, as it is really personal). It will be coming on soon. I am naturally not a hugger (too painful, I suppose), but gladly accept your hugs...❤️. My wife has done several YouTube vlogs about being married to a VTS-husband (Eline Eugenie is her YT name)
It is a greaty community out here - on the Dutch website nobody ever places comments. We Dutch are apparently too stiff or what - it is not about a stiff upper lip, anyway.
Have a good day!
Very poignant - however, I wonder
about sadness in order to gain kudos.
Terry.
Thank you, I understand your concern about kudos. When I wrote this poem about three years ago, I had just found out the reason for my psychological shit of 57 years and was trying to regain my balance. Being a Womb Twin Survivor explained so much of what happened en how I react to stuff happening, that I had to reconnect to life. I write about the Vanished Twin Syndrome for those others who are out there, in the hope it will help them (about 1 in 10 pregnancies start out with twins, but if the mother can't sustain them or form other biological reasons, one disappears, leaving an imprint on the surviving embryo). Yes, getting kudos help, but that is not what I am after in the case of VTS (other shit with parents caused that). Life was complicated and is finally settling down reasonably now (best of wives, good job, good house :-))