The good ones

It's six in the morning and this racing mind won't let my heart find any rest, I used to tell her only the good die young, secretly knowing that she was one of the best.

I didn't want to lead the angels on, and I tried my hardest to keep her hidden, but they finally found her, and this reality isn't hitting.

I don't want her to be gone yet, this wasn't a part of my plan, we were supposed to make our foot  prints on the white and black sand.

I want to cry, I try so hard, I even listen to her voice and reread every single card.

At night I sit on the edge of my bed up against the wall, staring at my phone, waiting for her to call.

Last night I couldn't feel a thing, and I couldn't breathe, because I wasn't ready for her to leave.

I sleep with the shirt she was wearing before the nurses put her in a paper gown, when she was still smiling, before they made her frown.

I thought that she'd come home that very same day, but now I regret dialing nine one one , because they stuck her with too many needles, and there were so many tests that they had to run.

She was always cold, Jesus, the woman only weighed seventy some pounds, so I'd ask the Nurses  for a new warm blanket when they made their rounds.

I can't stop replaying that day in my head, when  I watched you throw up all over yourself in bed, and what scared me the most was when I realized that it was all red.

My voice cracked when I called out "nurse" because I knew right then that you were only getting worse.

With tears flooding my face, when the doctor asked if they could resuscitate you,  I was nodding my head so that you'd see, and now I realize that you only said yeah for me.

Even on your death bed you remained selfless, and I'm sorry for being selfish.

I would've kept you forever if it were up to me, but I guess you had other places to be.

Some say that it'll get easier while others say that it never really will, and now I'm living life in a stand still.

It's as if I'm paralyzed from head to toe, because heaven knew you were coming,  but they didn't let me know.

They just took you right from my grip, and left my heart with a fat lip.

I'm gonna miss you until this cold heart stops beating,  and if I ever find my way to heaven, I hope you're leading.