Stone cold heart

Sometimes I miss you so bad that my insides hurt, it's like all of the air from my lungs have been replaced with dirt.
My chest gets so heavy, and my eyes begin to water, my heart sings like  Loretta, but I'm not a coal miner's daughter.
There's  something about sad songs that make me feel just a little less sad, because it's comforting to know about the heart breaks that others had.
That may sound contradicting, but at least I know that I'm not the only one hurting, because with death, were all flirting.
Disaster struck  my home back when I was six or seven, and I stopped believing in angels  by the time I was eleven.
Because I used to pray every single night, but God never sent one down, and in my mothers addiction, I was forced to drown.
I couldn't make her better, I guess my feet were too little, because when parents get divorced, their babies get trapped in the middle.
I was afraid to hurt the others feelings, so when they asked if I loved them  more, I'd just force a smile and begin to nod, and I still haven't found any trace of a "god".
Maybe that's why it's hard for me to hold another for a few seconds or more. Because I don't want to be let down anymore.