The greatest regret

In terms of life, I sunk to lowest form,
and all about,  my glory came to naught,
for God had sure abandoned His creation, 
and I was living in the death I'd wrought.

No life for me,  beyond this current hell. 
No hope to ride,  no meandering retreat. 
For sure as heaven spat upon my presence, 
so too did Hades signal my defeat.

So where to go. I lingered within madness. 
I wandered through a shame I'd bought with glee. 
I thought if only I made my own choices, 
then God would surely let me to be free. 

But never in the history of heaven
has one like I been left to wander madly. 
For just as that thought entered to my mind, 
so too God cast aside my heart... and gladly. 

Now I wander sadly through the darkness
wearing my shame like a hardened quilt. 
But I know if I could redo my choices, 
I'd do my best just to avoid this guilt.