The “love” between us

i didn’t even blink when you locked the door behind us when we got into your house,
nor did i even flinch when held your fist up to my mouth.
i didn’t stop to think how what you were doing to me was so wrong,
i didn’t think to listen to the hidden meanings in your songs.

i thought that it was sweet when you told me i shouldn’t wear makeup, i look better without it.
i thought you were being realistic when i told you about wanting to achieve certain dreams and you told me that you doubt it.
i thought you were looking out for me when you told me no one cared about me like you,
i thought that there was love in all the crazy shit you would do. 

when friends, family and colleagues asked me what caused all my bruises,
i smiled, lied then laughed and told them it was me being clumsy- clueless.
when you told me that you loved me and that our problems stemmed from me,
i searched ways to be better for you so that we could be happy.

kisses laced with pain, 
no sun without thunder and rain,
trying to stay sane 
between the sheets; torn and blood stained. 

curled up crying scared
because of the “only one who cares”
but if you cared you wouldn’t dare
to beat me down and leave me bare.

and even after all of this 
i sit and long for one more kiss 
a final little bit of bliss
how did our “love” ever come to this.

And when you meet a woman one day
I hope you can love her the way
That I wished you loved me today
And show her; not just with the words you say.

And if I could have one dream come true
It would be to meet you in another life- but soon,
In a world where you are healed and new 
Where you knew how to love me the way I love you.