Poem -
The Death of Me
Day loomed its pallid sky
The birds they tried to question why
But found they couldn't make a sound
Their wings were clipped
Pinned to the ground
The earth breathed out a weary moan
That shook its tenants to the bone
Whilst trees all lost their luscious leaves
They fell like tears, on an empty breeze
The sun it chose to shun the day
Each star fell down in disarray
Moon began to fear the worst
Its crumbling cries dust filled the earth
And none could find the breath to fight
The will to stand up to their plight
For nothing cared to even be
When you became the death of me
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Comments
wonderful poem
sad but wonderful
Many thanks Greg for your lovely words and pin xx
Oh Gwen...this is absolutely fabulous! Where do I begin?
With a line like this we just know we are in for a poetic treat, a dark treat but a treat all the same.
Ohhh...just beautifully and immaculately worded.
Brilliant!
And then that fantastic clincher of a last line
This is just one brilliant poem! I love the dark, dusty path this leads us on as we read. Pinned this for its absolute awesomeness. This ink is pure magic. The stars that fell out of the sky? I want to paste them all next to the 5 I've given cos I want to give way way more than 5 stars. 👏👏👏👏👏⚘⚘⚘ x
Tina, I can't say thank you big enough, but just know I have a huge smile on my face from your fabulous words. Feedback doesn't get any better than what you wrote. Thank you for always being so supportive and a great writer in both poetry and commenting my friend. You lift your fellow poets spirits with your inspiring words and kindness ❤
I am so thrilled you liked this poem, and thank you so very much for the pin 🌷x
Gwen it truly is an amazing poem you have written here. I absolutely love it...especially because I can relate to it or at least there was once a time when I could relate. 100% relate. Trust me, it's a brilliant poem and a pleasure to comment on. Happy the comment lifted your spirits. Hugs 💕 xx
Hugs back atcha 💖x
God...what can I say...I really really think Tina has covered it all with her always beautiful and supportive comments Gwen...and I agree with every word XXX
Tina is a beautiful soul 💖as are you Marion, many thanks for your kind words
hugs ❤ x
I instinctively thought of a flower fearing the approach of winter .. but then I thought, maybe I'm trying to read into these words too much .. and so, after wrestling with my imagination .. I let the idea go and settled for the fact you penned good .. again ........................................................... N:)
Hello Neville, thank you for reading and sharing your thoughts on this poem. It is about feeling dead inside, to the point the world around you lacks life and colour. All you see is a hollow representation of life, because you are that numb. In your heart and mind, the world could crumble and you wouldn't care, because you already feel dead. I hope this helps my friend. I know I wrote it in rather an abstract way :)
Thanks for leaving your feedback and for liking my piece
Gwen x
Yes, I can feel that too .. So why I wonder, does my little flower keep coming back to me .............. N x
I am curious Neville, was it a particular flower? Flowers hold meanings. I do wonder where your mind might of been going there. To fear the winter in my mind I am sensing anxiety towards darker times. Maybe not wanting to face something? I am guessing of course 🙃
forget-me-nots & I think daisies featured most prominently .. albeit very briefly 🙃
Aah Neville now for me that makes perfect sense. Forget-me-nots are suppose to be a symbol of love and rememberence. To still hold faith in the person no longer with us. It is also seen as a birth flower for september. Well I lost my bestest friend in september so this is fitting for me. Now daisies carry a lot of folklore as they are an aster flower. Which means they grow all over the world and so everyone has a folktale about them. In fact the only place they haven't grown is Antarctica. For me I am going to go with hope and new beginnings as I think it ties in with the poem and the forget-me-not. So that's my wacky input 🤔🙃
How bloomin interesting Gwen .. and when I visit Antarctica, hopefully next year .. (depending on travel restrictions) I'm gonna make sure I plant a few seeds for ya 🙃
Hehe bloomin brilliant 🙃
I loooooooovvvvvvvveeeeee this!! Straight up my ally. Because of it, I want to dedicate a project I have been working on to you Gwen. It's a bit of a smoky one, I think you'll enjoy it when I end up posting. Bloody on fire atm Gwen. Fantastic
Oh wow Max, what can I say :) I am super excited to read what your post. Thank you for wanting to dedicate your words to little me. I am honoured Max truly. You are one of my favourite poets here on cosmo, reading your poetry is always a pleasure my friend. Thank you for your wonderful feedback for this one. I am thrilled you liked it 😊
beautiful write Gwen! This makes your whole soul shimmer!........................Jim
Thanks so much Jim for your wonderful words and for reading my poem. Thank you for the pin, so glad you liked it
Gwen x
My Goodness Dear GWEN!!........I have spoken with you before of this amazing gift of yours....it is showing its Brilliant head here.....with line after line of pure poetic perfection......for taking the reader on an unforgettable ride as you delight them all with a closing line that blows away anyone who reads it!!......A pure manifestation of the gift the gods have bestowed upon you....and I for one......am most grateful that you have been born in this....the same time line as me......for knowing you is more than a delight!!......PINNED for absolute perfection.......Thank you so much for sharing tihs with us all!!......Lots of Love........T xo : )
Hello Tony, that last line was the first line I wrote. I then wrote towards that line, as I knew I wanted that to be the ending to this piece. Thank you for ALWAYS being such a fabulous support. You encourage me and give me much strength. I am forever grateful to know you and to have Cosmo as my place to exercise my writing. For it has such wonderful people sharing insightful and creative works. I have some catching up to do on reading, I plan to go snoop on your page very soon
Your forever friend
Gwen :) x
Such a total eclipse of everything. Hurts like hell to read this, having been on the other side too often and still feeling ashamed about that 😭 thanx for the reminder (no , no irony intended)
Awe John I am sorry to read that you suffer. We can all be on either side of this coin. Thank you for sharing openly and honestly your insight on this piece. I do hope you and your wife had a lovely holiday and I am looking forward to catching up on anything you have posted
Gwen :)
A great write. Thank you for sharing.
Many thanks Leah for checking out this poem and leaving your kind words
Gwen :)
Thanks, Gwen, yes, we had a very good, relaxing, quiet holiday in the south of France (two places, both well known to us, so though perhaps not exciting as in new discoveries, nice to know your way about... Next year will be Ireland again, with soime new places on the planning (will by my 6th visit to the Republic). I can't wait. And yes, there is a new piece wriiten during the holiday and two since returning. The last piece (Corn tales) was originally written in Dutch... as I used idiom it was a hard one to translate, but after a few trials I worked it out...
All business after the holidays are over now, so I will find more time to Cosmo in the evenings...
Wow John I am impressed you wrote a poem in Dutch. South of France sounds lovely for a holiday. I haven't been to Ireland yet, but I have relatives over there as I am half Irish. It is lovely to hear you will be on cosmo, I look forward to reading more from you
Gwen :)
Hi, Gwen, well I should say don't let me writing in Dutch impress you: I was built, put in the market and bred in The Netherlands, where I lived all my life. Both my parents had no drop of foreign blood in them, my dad a Frisian and my mum from the South - in Ulster a forbidden marriage of a Protestant man with a Catholic woman. Luckily Eindhoven is no Belfast. If you can, you should go meet your relatives in Ireland, you'd be suprised by the hearty welcome they will give you...
I realise now that in fact you give me a humongous compliment on my use of English - I fooled you (apparently) into thinking I am a native speaker, instead of 'just' an old student of English literature some 35 years ago. My wife too and we 'practise' a lot and read a lot in English. We both worked for a while as a sworn translator for the English language (boring - you have to stick to the letter of the text... worst I ever had to do was Anne McCaffrey's Dragonflight (the only book I ever did) - we do not agree on style (my point of view - no opinion on the book itself)
I read this as the death of a loveship
great phrasing as always.
JP
Many thanks John, it is always a pleasure to read your insight
Gwen :)
Gwen what is there to simply say for so many have already lovingly clarioned it and Tina's thought's have it more than covered and are stet.
And simply add thank you.
Thank you for writing something more than magical and loved how you got to to your poem's end.
A wonderfully written soul journey of a poem that you weave with magically worded threads of pure poetic gold.
And thanks again Gwen.x.
Shaun, thank you so much my friend, for your kind words. I am so grateful you read this one, and always appreciate the support you graciously give to us all here on cosmo x
Gwen just read your kind reply and thank you.
Just off to read and play catch up on your welcoming poetry.x.
I totally love your versing of many of your writings, they always tell a story in which the reader can envision x
Thanks so much Faith, that means a lot x