The unknown is known

I feel stuck
Like I’m existing but have no goals 
It’s like my mind suddenly wants to tell me there is no hope
Making every joy I have left - disappear 
I try to fight it - but it’s like I’m running out of air 
Like my confidence just got rubbed away 
And now I have to crawl my way back up just to stand 
I feel like a burden 
I feel alone
Like it’s me against the world 
And I can’t trust anyone to call my own
I feel myself slipping 
Further and further away 
Like somehow I’m being erased 
And what used to satisfy is just a empty chase

I’m prepared for a restoration 
I’m prepared for awakening 
I’m prepared to go back to the 
hurt, where it all started 
I’m prepared 
But that doesn’t mean that I’m not scared 
Or that i want to run towards it
Cause I avoid it like I don’t want to face what’s coming 
Like its to heavy
To hard for me to handle 
And right now I don’t feel I can manage another paddle 

How will I know when it’s time 
Whatever the unknown has to offer 
I feel vulnerable 
I feel scared 
Like I’m wearing my emotions on the outside 
For everyone to see
I got no place to hide my fears 
No mask to cover my tears
And no defenses to hide my vulnerability 
I feel everyone can see right trough me 
Is this what healing is supposed to feel like?
Cause God - I really hope this isn’t a long run 

My child
I know it’s heavy
I know it’s scary 
But what’s unknown for you 
Is known for me
I’ve already been where you’re haded 
I’ve already seen the outcomes and the end
I’ve already walked your path before you 
I already know the journey that’s ahead 
The challenges you’re going to face 
And I want to remind you that you’re not doing this by yourself 
We are a team
You, me, the angels 
The spirit is waiting for your yes 
Cause you know he is gentle as always 

In order to heal the pain 
We have to go back to the painful moments 
We have to go back into the darkness 
The purpose is not to rediscover the pain all over again 
But to shine light into the dark
Cause my light terrifies the dark

It’s more painful to avoid and subconsciously displace the dark times in your life
Then to go back and relive it
You must have the willingness 
The boldness 
The courage to go back in time 
But what happens after that decision 
Is my responsibility alone
simply cause: I AM LIGHT
I’m the light that penetrates through the darkness 
This is my job,
my task
my assignment 
And It’s your birthright, my child 
To not be affected by hurt and suffering no more 
I want to restore 
I want to heal
I want you to find your true identity 
Your true self
And you’re not that person yet
Not when pain affects you 
Not when experience inhibits you 
When trauma overtakes 
And fear still bounds you 

When I shine my light I’ll reveal the truths
When I shine my light I’ll open your mind to understanding 
Sometimes I’ll make you understand that the pain was caused by others in their own suffering and pain 
Cause I want you to have empathy for them
I want you to understand their point of view 
I want to give you: my review
of their story 
I want you to see the situation from different angles
To feel my sorrow but also my love towards them 
This is just to show you my true character 
I want to reveal my heart to you 
I want you to get to know me better 
on a personal level 
Cause I am in you. 
I’m in your DNA 
And when I show you my true character 
I’ll will also reveal your character 
Simply because you were created in my image 

I want you to forgive those who hurt you
And caused you pain 
For your own sake 
To close a chapter 
And once that chapter is closed 
Once light has been cast over your dark rooms 
The darkness and the pain wouldn’t affect you no more
You will have a healed scar that doesn’t hurt anymore 

Other times I will open your own eyes 
and teach you why you made those poor choices in the first place 
Not to shame you 
Not to make you feel guilty 
But for you to understand yourself 
To reveal the reasons why
To make you aware of the scars
And shed light on what used to be dark
And for you to make wise choices based on knowledge and not to repeat the cycle all over 

It’s important that you know that 
I understand you
I know the pain was heavy
That it was to much guilt that you carried 
I know it was all unfair 
Unrealistic 
Unbearable to handle
I know about the questions you asked 
Why did this happen to me?
That you felt a huge betrayal towards me 
I understand you and I don’t judge 
Cause you did what you thought you had to do to survive 
I saw your hurt 
I saw your heart
And even tho your heart was broken and dark at times
You still thought about the girl you once were 
Wishing and wanting to be “her” again 

You wanted to be “the girl” that had nothing to fear 
Cause she was surten that I was always there - always near 
You wanted to be “the girl” who was happy again
“The girl “who stood up for people
Who were a friend 
Who took her time to listen
Who encouraged 
And wanting to be a helping hand 
You missed her joy, 
her passion  
her confidence 
But mostly her identity 
Cause that girl sure knew who’s she be 

The reasons why you miss that girl 
Is because I remind you of her.
I was your first love
And I’m going to be your last
She was safe and secure in me
And I want you to have the same hunger again
That desperate hunger to reach your full potential in me
I want you to have the same passion you once had
To tell the world about me and that I have a plan 

I want you to have that fire again
That fire that burned deep within you
Cause that desperation 
That hunger
And that longing you had towards me is 
Taking you deeper, 
further, 
And wider into your calling 
your purpose 
And your mission in life 
I will light a fire within you and that fire is going to bring people to me
This is who you were meant to be
You were meant to be In passion for me
You were meant to be there for others in their needs 
You were meant to be a light
A testimony for others to see
To be a living hope that draws people near to me

And even if this feels a little overwhelming 
Don’t focus on your surroundings 
We take it day by day 
Step by step 
And if you feel like crying all day
I’m will promise to wipe those tears away 
If you feel like shouting and screaming
I’ll still be there in your needing
If you feel like shooting down 
To hide and seek 
Than go rest, my child
Cause we are not in a hurry 
Whatever happens - happens 
So don’t panic cause I already know what’s happening