Poem -

The White Room

The White Room

Dear Reader

In the atlantic ocean theres a place called the white room, decisions are made for us but all i see is doom & gloom,

they lead us & say its for our own benefit, so why do bad things happen i just dont get it,

there's a force at work controlling the world, if there the good people then why does evil lurk?

if there tryna keep humanity safe, why are people dying at a secondly rate, gone faster than they were born, on this earth that was bliss but has now been torn,

no wonder people turn on the elite, people are dying dead on there feet, an its all for no reason at all, no human should be built just too fall,

were willing to come together an unite as one, as long as the war stops defuse the bomb, id gladly come to the white room & meet, an tell you my prespective i see in the street,

maybe make a few changes cos thats what we need, cant you see its hard for us too breath, wrong decisions are being made as far as i know, its become hard for humanity to blossom & grow,

so next time you gather in the white room, think about those thats dying too soon

Regards

james unsworth

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Comments

author
Dean Kuch

"if [there] they're the good people(,) then why does evil lurk?" ... You're looking for the contraction of "they are" in this instance, James, not a sense of place...

"if [there] their tryna keep humanity safe, why are people dying at a secondly rate," ... Self explanatory...

"people are dying dead on [there] their feet" ... Here again you want the possessive form, "their"...

Could use a bit of polishing but not a bad write by any means.
Have a nice weekend.
~Dean

Reply
author
Dean Kuch

Do you want it right or not?
Just trying to help out, that's all.
Wrong is wrong no matter what language you speak or where you're from. If you'd rather it be wrong I'll simply stop reading your work and focus on someone who actually cares.
You don't read anything I write anyhow.
Good day to you.
~Dean

Reply
author
James unsworth

You must of read my comment in the wrong context, it wernt sarcasm
cheers dean

Reply
author
Dean Kuch

I apologize then, James.
Yes, that's how I took it.
I a big enough man to admit when I'm wrong.
Again, my apologies, I really was only trying to help.
It is an excellent poem and very well expressed.
Take care,
~Dean

Reply
author
James unsworth

Its common to misinterpret something written, i do it myself mate

there was things mispelled, an you picked up on it straight away, i do thank you for your help

cheers again dean ?

Reply
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