The Wish

Time passes and worlds fall apart.
Loves grow and die, feelings change.
We look the same but differently and no one sees....
Smile, keep going..don't rock the boat.
Don't let the world outside,into your grief.
At night cry quietly, don't stain the pillow.
In the morning cold water heals puffed eyes...
If pain were visible...you  would feel warmth,cocooned,loved...
No one would  look beyond you.
You talk to yourself  in the car, admonish those who have hurt you beyond measure, and cry burning tears of anger.
Then put  back on the mask of 'I'm ok' 'no problem here'
Every second that passes,more of your spirit is crushed.
less and less of your loving heart loves.
More and more of your kindness and sweetness dissipates...
until one day, with a void for a soul, a shell for a spirit,
you know the only options are obvious.....
A choice to permanently leave  life and it's torment, or
leave  the torment and this life......
Bags packed, no one home, notes written, small plan formed,
walk through the door one last time and leave the emotionless void  behind.
No one will understand, you will be vilified.
Your hope is that they will recognise after you are gone how they are culpable..but you know deep inside that wont happen...
You will always be the villain......
You dream of finding a love to protect you and hold you, 
Of finding a new family with kids who will love you back with the same depth you love them.
A family who will smile when you come into a room,
who will phone for no reason other  than  to hear your voice....
To give you an unexpected squeeze that says 'I love you!'
And ask how your day has been and listen to your reply.
To know and care if someone has hurt you and immediately be your protector.
To see the most insignificant of things and know that because you might like it they will buy it for you,
so they can rejoice in seeing you smile...just as you smiled when you made the ones you loved most happy.
To love you.... just love you... truly love you,
Wth  no boundaries or automated responses and to let you, love them,the way that you want them  to  love  you in return........
A silent, forlorn, longed for,  wish........