Their Lair
Why do I always feel like I'm doing everything wrong
Why do I always sing the same depressing song
Nothing I say or do ever seems to be right
Sometimes i wonder am I even worth the fight
I can't keep these thoughts from entering my head
The thoughts are so heavy, I feel like I'm weighed down with lead
Here they come, tearing through my brain like a bat out of hell
They have destroyed everything good in my mind, I realize I'm not well
I thought that I have defeated all of these evil, sinister thoughts
But I guess I was fooled, what I thought was gained was really just lost
My sanity is a distant memory that was once there, it's been gone for a while, without a wing or a prayer
These demons of mine will stay with me forever, I thought they had gone, but . no they were just being clever
Filling me with a false sense of hope, I thought everything would be alright
But they were just hiding, waiting until they knew I couldn't fight
They push me, bite me, and kick me when I'm down
They punch me and hurt me and grin as I quiver and frown
I know the name of them, Depression, is what they are called
They love to torture you and laugh when your bloody and mauled
It's a constant inner battle that I know I could never win
I guess this is my punishment for all of my own sins
They are always in my ear telling me that I mean nothing at all
As they scream in my ear, I cry knowing that no one can hear my call
I don't yell, it's useless, I'll forever be alone
For they are my company, I've grown use to the hissing and moans
This has always been my home, I'm used to it now
Even if I wanted to leave, I wouldn't know how
My mind is not my own, they ceased it a while ago
I'm just a bystander sitting back and watching their show
They now have full control of this brain I used to call mine
it's only a matter of time before they turn me into one of their kind
Maybe it'll be better to become one of them
No emotion, no thoughts, just feeding on hurt and sadness that is their realm
I'm just another victim, a useless pitiful soul
I am just one of millions that is trapped in Depressions dark hole
Support CosmoFunnel.com
You can help support the upkeep of CosmoFunnel.com via PayPal.
Comments
This was very well painted and effectively portrayed the struggle. I particularly noted how you ended with such hopelessness, which is so characteristic of the depression you described. Hopefully this was written in the past and this mindset has been conquered, but if a person were still struggling with these things I'd advise a detachment from all "self portraits" of ones life in the past. The "demons" only have power to exert over the individual who has fallen from a given height..but if able to fix vision on the present moment free of all comparisons, focused on what things one CAN be grateful for, they have no nourishment. Easier said than done, but well worth the conquest. Also, it's advisable not to punish oneself for "sins" by relating them to suffering. Rest assured for each of your sins someone exists who committed three and lives lavishly in happiness abound.
Thank you for your comment. I wrote this a few years back when I wasn't in the best state of mind due to the depression. Thankfully i have concurred my " demons" and am in much better place. I felt the need to share this poem because to me it's best described depression. This is a very personal poem to me and i really hope someone out there can read it and find the strength to get out of the depression "hole" just like I somehow did.