They Just Couldn't Figure It Out

When she tries to talk to him, she swears it feels like he responds ever so emotionless,
She's starting to wonder if she's been too naive;
That it just sounds so wonderful and effortless?
Or,
Maybe it's his personality and his charisma that fooled her;
Something;
She also doesn't want to believe.
She feels like maybe, 
Or even,
Most likely; probably,
Like she's on a one way, or a reserved city street, 
Does he feel anything at all?;
Does he feel anything when their lips meet?
She's so in love, she'd at least like to think, 
Or,
Maybe she's starting to realize; she's in far too deep?
Does he feel sparks? Does he feel a connection?
So many unanswered questions.
Does he even feel anything at all?;
When they're sharing what should be a romantic kiss? 
Or…
Is she the only one who is delusional in this meaningless bliss?,
She was really hoping after 6 months it didn't continue to feel like it was,
Sometimes it feels like he cares, then sometimes she's asking herself;
"Who the hell is this?".
She doesn't know how to do;
Because;
She feels like trying to give him her love is a lost cause.
Some days it feels like maybe he could even love her,
but she's tired of trying so hard and getting nothing in return but a blank stare
So she has stopped trying to say those three little words;
Because how he reacts is so empty.
Because of the burdens people left scarring his heart,
He can't even begin to try and trust her.
This is why she's so desperately hanging on, trying not to let their pasts tear them apart.
Because the feelings that she has developed for him, are so imperfectly, perfect, 
That he can't, don't, or just won't, believe hardly a word she says,
And she's trying, oh so desperately to love him, but this hollowness;
This darkened hollowness is pushing her away,
So she just doesn't want to spend years hoping for the same thing, every day.
So she's writing a poem that hopefully he will read one day
And maybe, just maybe with a small leap of faith;
They could build something new, and lasting along the way.
Because she doesn't really see him going anywhere,
She just needs to be reassured sometimes that he does in fact, really care.
Because if one day he should wake up and happen to stop and realize,
That he may not feel the same way about her,
She can't help but pray that he lets her know ahead of time;
And lets her down easy, respectfully, and shows a little bit of mercy, 
Because if in fact it turns out,
That,
She is the only person who is actually in love in this equation;
Then she prays, she prays that if that day should come to occur;
Then she prays to be ready and prepared for his deportation,
Because no matter what this relationship could possibly begin to bring;
She knows that if all fails, that her heart will move on eventually,
From such a genuine, heartbreaking separation.
Because they're just two people who couldn't figure it out… 
Because they're just two people who couldn't figure it out
What love was really supposed to be about.
Because they're just two people who wanted love, 
But they're still just two people who couldn't figure it out
And so she liked to try to steer away from any possible confrontations
Because they're just two people who couldn't figure it out;
And somewhere in  recent history;
They lost the ability to maintain their communication,
Which resulted in various misunderstandings and great frustrations.
And so for now, every night before bed, 
She tries so desperately to turn the voices off in her head.
So she does all she can to hold back the tears,
Because in the back of her mind she's drowning herself in what ifs, and unknown fears.
As she's stuck lying there talking to herself;
And pondering over the wild thoughts that are running through her brain,
And as she silently with a stuffy runny nose drifts off to sleep
She can't help but wonder,… 
If,
This is just,
Her,
Wanting,
Him,
And,
Him just not… feeling the same?

Stephanie Davis
12/21/2024