Those Damn Wet Bandits!

Two inept crooks robbed my house while I was on vacation.
They left my water running and they died by strangulation.
Besides robbing me, those idiots also made me have to pay a two hundred dollar water bill.
They were already beaten by my neighbors eight year old son, as crooks, they had no skill.
I decided to go to the Police Station and post their bail.
Before I was through, they wanted to go back to jail.
I shot them in their crotches and burned their heads with my blowtorch.
Those dumbasses were screaming in agony because their heads were scorched.
Before strangling them, I used my shotgun to blow off their kneecaps.
Everybody had better start to learn that I will not take people's crap!

(This poem is based on the 1990 'Home Alone' movie.)