Tick tock, tick tock

Half 4 in the morning 
And I’m sitting here crying 
, contemplating my life
Contemplating dying

My aniexty is horrible 
My depression is a pain 
I just want to end it all,
No blood pumping through my vein

Googling ways to end my life 
To end the thoughts of struggle and strife
To end my worries and the end my pain 
The fill a void in my heart it strains 

As I sit hear crying saying what if I died ,
Thinking of all the times that I have lied
Are you okay? Yes I’m fine 
But really I’m dead I’m just bare face lying 

I cried at The wedding cause my family were there ,
And that was when I realised my mother didn’t care
I realised my “family” were people I didn’t know,
And everyone who understood me had nothing to show

My father isn’t around and my mother is a skit ,
I keep thinking of all the shit that I put up with 
I know I am wiser and my heart beats through 
But granda I want to be with you 

I write suicide notes and then I rip them up 
Because even those notes I feel aren’t good enough 
I doubt myself always 
Through every word that I say,
Wondering when it will end 
All of my dismay 

I cry because I miss my babies
I cry because there gone
Thinking through this life
Wondering where I have gone wrong 

3 failed relationships 
All controlling beasts 
On my heart and soul is what I give,
But on it is what they feast

As I sit here crying dying for a smoke 
I laugh to myself this is a joke 
This life is torture 
This life is terror 
I was brought into this world 
On a lust of error 

When will I end it
I actually don’t no
But one thing I will say is
I know it’s my time to go