Time Wasted

The time I wasted is my biggest regret,'
Spent in places I'll never forget,
Just sitting and thinking about things I've done,
The laughing, crying, hurting, and the fun.

Now it's just me and my hard driven guilt,
Behind a wall of emptiness I allowed to be built,
I'm trapped in my body just wanting to run,
Back to my youth with it's laughter and fun.

But the chase is over and there's no place to hide,
Everything is gone including pride,
With reality suddenly in my face,
I'm scared, alone, and stuck in this place.

Now memories of the past flash through my head,
And the pain is obvious by the tears I shed,
I ask myself why and where I went wrong,
I guess I was weak when I should've been strong.

Living for the boys and the sex I've grown,
My feelings were lost and afraid to be shown,
As I look at my past it's easy to see,
The fear I had to be me.

I'd pretended to be someone else so fast and so cool,
When actually lost like a blinded fool,
I'm getting to old for these tiresome games,
Of getting real with no sense of shame.

It's time to change and get on with my life,
Fulfilling my dreams for a family and a husband,
What my future holds I really don't know,
But the years I've wasted are starting to show.

I live for the day when I get a new start,
And the dreams I still hold in my heart,
I hope I can make it I at least I have to try,
Because I think I'm headed towards death and I don't wanna die.......