Time’s aflame (a letter to my vanished twin (syndrome))

Time’s aflame,
ashes whirling, yearning to rest
upon the earth that is still too hot
to receive them.

Never in all my winters have I been
alone inside (and I never knew
you had left your mark in me).

World is brighter, path into colours
I never felt, whispering
how grateful you are that I carried you
for all those years (and it hurts to be
alone).

A soft wind caresses skin that always was
wired wrongly for you took your share
unwittingly, never meaning to -
how could you as there never was
an incarnation in the flesh?

Time’s aflame, feeding me with heat,
a summer I have not known before,
my body my own life,
my own path to find words for…

Time’s flames dwindle to a candle’s flame,
light in this night, weaving silence and ease,
so I may sleep to see another day,
on my own.

We are both at peace,no longer fraught
with worry for the other, separate,
go, my twin, into your own realm,
and yet, please, stay close, so we live each in our own
plain.

Tears – I have nomore need for them now
we can see each other, yet
I shed them feeling your hand on my shoulder

I dare not, no, I dare to breathe in this moment,
time keeps us together, safe, close, yet
I still wish you could have lived.

Time is still burning in this new life
as I blow out the candle I lit for you.

I will walk my path alone,
holding my wife’s hand,
gratefully immediate, no longer
filtered, shared -

she deserves a free heart…