The Tragedy of Personality

~~It is so hard, so very hard
And often feels so sad
To be stuck, as it were,
With a personality-
Multi- faceted.

Sometimes I behave in certain ways yet,
I can look at it objectively
And think:  This is not who I want to be.
This is not how I want to be.

(Drinking too much
Being overly dependent.
Emotionally immature
I can’t really defend it).

I was defined some years ago;
At school:
“He is not a leader…nor easily led
Best not to pressurise him too much…”
Treat him with kid gloves instead.

Not easily led?
Oh it’s true.
I hate myself for it
But don’t know what to do.

So many people down the years
Have had problems with me:
It’s so sad
From teachers to employers
Friends and family
(particularly Mum and Dad).

It is so hard, so very hard
And often feels so sad
To be stuck, as it were,
With a personality-
Multi- faceted.

To have a feeling something’s wrong
With my character
(apart from what I’ve already said)
And yet not being able to identify it.
It is so sad.

Who is really in control?
The “objective me”
Or my innate personality?