Trapped_in_the_futre

I'm trapped in the future, and I can't seem to find my way back to the present–

People say '' you're above your head kid, bounce back to reality '' and I tried to take that advice and leave that relationship but I can't, I got that woman pregnant–

I've tried to acknowledge that I'm just another young black fellow from the farms, but I can't stop thinking about the roots of Mandela–

 '' he was a great man'' I thought to myself, such a beloved, almost worshiped globally for his tremendous attributes and living conduct of connecting everything and everyone...he was once a black fellow from the farms, that's not my line of error–

I am scared by my shortfalls at Campus I can't afford to feed at the cafeteria, sometimes I wonder if my arms are worth putting on its counter waiting to buy the cheapest juice and a snow ball the best meal for me once or twice in a month–

"My son, I'm doing the best I can to get you education just make sure you get that degree” those were the tears of my mother that stopped me before I could say the money you're giving me is not enough mom–

Sitting on a separate chair during the break avoiding the seductive smell of good food from the people in my class sometimes hoping to hear a voice calling my name even forgot I had an exam to study for–

 Suddenly my phone rang and a voice called my name "M-Afrika" just the moment I widely opened my eyes thinking that one of those guys called me I learned that the voice actually came from the phone–

"How's school my son"? She asked, "Are you studying well for the exams"? And I replied with my eyes fixed on the other table"– school is just perfect mom, and I'm studying” as I said the last line had my throat gulping down saliva, “wow! That’s my boy, kill them “she replied–

I made a mistake and got trapped in the future afraid of what may happen if presence decided not to wait for me– because at some point, even Kelly Khumalo had a second baby while JubJub was in prison, after that she told the public that it's how life is –

so I guess this bus only carries those who've got their destinations, no stops, no gas fills otherwise it loses passengers –

I'm trapped in the future–

I'm a writer by blood, most of my novels are spilt of with the ink of bad luck, call it my stupidity–

I've tried every kind of Pen for my scripts; it seems I'm the one with the bad writing–

but somehow somewhere deep down in my heart, mind and spirit I see myself in the list of conquers, on the list inside the dragon's den and together dining–

Looking at the presence, having no transport fare forced to take the student residential bus–

with its drivers who keeps kicking me out remember I don't live in the Res. I'm not entitled to the ride–all those eyes coming back to me like I've just stolen a pack of bananas making me wish this earth would open up and swallow me yet again I told my folks that everything was just fine–

Hey, I'm alive–

Faced by a distance of 7km from campus to where I live, rains starting and ending on me my eyes stay dry afraid that the tears will hurt my sight you know why–

because this cage I'm trapped in keeps me going on, always saying to myself I shall live to see my son's opposite path and standard as compared to what life has offered me now–

I may have come too strong for my folks to think that I'm blaming them but I'm not, I'm blaming nature–

Walking across the streets of Durban looking at those big cars of men with big belies, the ever smiling lips and chicks I want to be there, maybe not with the big belly but with the smile knowing that my son has transport and full in the stomach–

I'm trapped in the future–