Trident White Rhapsody

Today I chewed a single gum
'Twas a piece of Trident White
My face fell fast as if I had
Just caught an awful sight
Was there even any gum at all
Inside my craving mouth?
It felt more like I'd chewed on air
A fart the wind took south
Or how about I wax poetic
Like I'm wont to do?
A dainty wisp of angel's hair
A petty drop of morning dew
My boredom was not sated
No, this treat would not suffice
So I popped another morsel in
Not once, oh no, but thrice!
The burden on my stricken soul
Was instantly relieved
And every atom of my being
Danced a jubilee
As I chewed, a silly smile
Spread across my face
But I cared not what strangers thought
As I basked in spearmint taste
Suddenly the world was new
And all was as it should be
Feelings had flavour, texture too
And they all looked fine to me
Today I've gained a precious pearl
From my walk to the store
I've practiced self-denial
When I could've lived much more
Now listen very closely friends
If pleasure's what you seek
My wisdom earned on this fine day
Will get you through each week
The moral that you must fulfill
To live your greatest life
Is always chew at least four gums
For maximum delight!