UNREALITY

It doesn't feel real
When the boss talks;
It's as though it's to
Somebody else

And when I make
Outbound calls
I'm just doing my job
Not representing the company.
The words have no
Deeper meaning for me.

It always feels this way
And it's felt this way for years.
Drifting and thinking
But doing very little.

When I left school
I went and got a job,
Where I would daydream
And be blase
Much to the frustration
Of my bosses.

For me it is the norm
And so I don't think about it
Most of the time:
Occasionally whem I 
Do consider it
I rrealise the assumptions that I have.

Responsibilities for the home?
They're not mine.
What will be will be.
What will happen will happen.
Things can drift.

And I've never had friends
Round for a meal:
It's too...
It's not too much hard work
But rather...

I just don't do that sort of thing.
Is it outside the scope of
My understanding
Is it laziness?

I think it's more than that.
I am in a slumber
From which I rarely wake-
And when I do
I don't know how to cope

For the one time I was awoken
I ended up on a psychiatric ward
Deluded and confused
With thoughts all over the place.

(That time I was awoken
Was a few weeks after
I moved out of my mother's
Home and got a place of my own.

After six weeks and with
My personality spattered
All ovwr the walls
I had an "epiphany" and lost control).

I am not sure of the way forward
Though strangely I find that
Becoming aware of my own
Movements helps.

(I have now just had
My Performance Appraisal Review
With my line manager
And though I've made
Significant improvements
I'm still pretty crap

Being half- disconnected from reality).

MDC