Unworthy

I feel trapped,
in this world,
in this life,
and I'm so tired,
exhausted,
fed up,
of trying,
of attempting,
to be positive,
to smile,
to exist,
to pretend,
for them,
for me,
for anything.
I am always,
always,
questioning myself,
what is the point,
in trying,
to do anything,
anymore,
to crawl out,
from under,
the heavy weight,
I have trapped myself under,
takes so much,
and gives so little.
I have considered escape,
in its most permanent form,
I have thought,
so ruefully,
of those who might miss me,
I have judged myself so harshly,
and found myself,
truthfully unworthy,
of the life I have,
or any life at all,
I have thought,
and found myself,
undesirable,
and unwanted,
by any,
and all,
in the life I have.