A village of Idiots

'Good Morning Yorkshire !!'
I shouted out the window
Just letting the village know
I've moved in today
So just wanted to say.
It was February
A bright sunny day 
You'd think we were in May
Though the month bitterly cold
Not so good up here I'm told
Don't know why I did it
For shits and giggles nay
shiggles as some might say
Still. Now It's done
Just a little bit of fun
And the response was expected
Curtain twitchers staring
At the new people, comparing
Trying to size us up
But not having much luck
To surmise what we are about
So I opened the window
Gave a shout, a grand hello
Now they think I'm crazy
But that just doesn't faze me
Maybe I'll fit in
As I look around take it in
Surreal sunny morning
At the collection of noseys 
and passing croneys
Next door neighbour greets me
Warns me of her brazen sister
'she's poison, she is mister'
'Keep away from that one'
'She'll have yer pants off son!'
'Morning' from the old guy
Is he squinting or can he see ?
'Do you want to buy eggs from me ?'
The brazen sister, she stops by
Flaunts her Jeremy Kyle smile
'Stay away from that one' she says
'Crazy bitch is what she is'
'Even though she is ma sis'
'Don't heed a word she says'
'Not a lot going on upstairs'
Whatever happened to cake
And 'welcome to the village' ?
Not Verbal diarrhoea spillage
Instead I have warnings
And Jezza Kyle yawnings
It's mid afternoon 
The smack heads awake
And soon start to bake. 
Drunks finally arouse
Buttons awry on her blouse 
"I'm good at repointing "
"I'll give you a discount mate"
He can barely stand straight
His wife is a mess
"Is that a top or a dress ?"
So the end of the first day
Settling in my new home
Call my family on the phone
"You just won't believe it"
I live In a village of idiots