Vindictive Love

I hate you I miss you man I'm so confused I keep beating myself up but we all know who gone lose  smile to keep from crying maybe even laugh it off but the joke ain't even funny I can't even laugh it off. Can't pretend to be okay no more my smile is always fake I  can't get over the fact you left when I was 8 & it's sad cause I remember the last thing we ate man rice & pepper steak back then my smile was never fake. Don't plan on coming back cause man it's too late! I'm on my own now me & my mama man we got our own know & I hope you feel alone now, man feel what I'm feeling lost apart of me you can't feel what I'm feeling couldn't possibly deal with what I'm dealing, & I apologize if I'm getting into my feelings. So called dad, do you ever wish you never lost what you had? When you think about me are you happy or sad? Or do you just feel bad? Did you really love me or was it just for show man I'm glad you hit the doe I'm glad you had to go! I wouldn't be who I am today man so called dad sometimes I wish you were there to be proud of me but that was just a dream I know you won't be proud of me you surely weren't proud to be.. A so called dad. I can't bare to shed another tear! Can't be like this in front of my mama I gotta stay strong, just know that you were wrong  for way too long but still I gotta stay strong. My so called dad I'm finally graduating but I can't even focus cause I'm steady contemplating wondering why you gave up on me after you left you had me feeling like bad luck was me felt like I was locked up & only you had the key, I wonder if you have another daughter. Did you do her better than you did me? Or did you do her like you did me? Maybe your mistakes are stuck on repeat. So called dad, I wish you could see my face in my eyes you ain't nothing but a disgrace & I never want to see your face. I don't want you back cause I know you're gonna leave you're nothing but a thief you took my heart & won't give it back so don't plan on coming back. So called dad