Vow

I have no blueprint.
I have no plan.
I seemingly build,
upon a mountain
of sand.

I lack the tools,
lack knowledge;
things I sought
and lost
in college.

I rely
on instinct,
obsessive drive.
God help me,
how I stay alive!

I take each day
as a day to build,
build upon the bricks
I've laid along the way.

God knows
where I'm going,
even when I don't.
Some worry and
scorn me,
They say, "Quit!"
I won't.

I carry on,
an absurd
way of life,
sans the future,
that offers
only strife.

That fear sometimes
seeps into
my mortal abode,
slowing me down,
so heavy is that load.

Yet I carry on,
sling of bricks
on my shoulders.
I climb the steps,
just a bit bolder.

Some spirit tells me,
I know what I'm doing,
even as I feel,
something terrible
is brewing.

I continue to build
my monstrosity
of need.
My thirst and hunger,
for resilience I feed.

Someday I hope,
what I build
will allow,
some other soul,
to follow
what was once
their sacred vow...
to be unique.

Some way.
Some how.