Whether 'Tis Nobler

Tried to write something philosophical

But the strain on my brain was immense

Heard something whir then POP

Thought to myself, “that can't be good”

Felt fine otherwise

But suddenly was able to complete

Complex mathematical equations with ease

Never ever been accused of being a genius before

But all of a sudden I was able to figure out

The meaning of life among other amazing feats

Then a vision of my Mummy dear

Who passed away in nineteen-seventy

Reached out and patted me on the head

And said, “I'm so proud of you, my son”

“Was just talking to Albert Einstein yesterday

And he told me they were preparing

A special place of honour for you up here”

Belted myself on the side of the head

To make sure I wasn't dreaming

I wasn't dreaming!!!

Nearly swallowed my dentures

Started coughing and sputtering and reciting

“To be or not to be, that is the question”

Now I know I've heard that somewhere before

“Whether it is nobler...” Shakespeare perhaps

Well to make a long story short

When I return to the site

Be prepared to greet a whole different Jack

A much more sophisticated Jack

One that will absolutely blow you away

With his new found smarts

One that you'll feel honoured to call a friend

And if you believe all of this

I have some valuable swamp land in Florida

To offer you at a very good price!