white knuckle it...

Ever feel like your on a runaway train when all is stable around you but your insane. Cant seem to reframe from always speaking your name. I've lost myself in your death, everyday I struggle to get by and stay off meth,  is this some kind of fuck'n test, well if it is I'm doing my best.  Unlike the rest I cant move on guess that's why I've been singing the same old song,  what the hell happened what went wrong. Everyday it's you I long, Just as I have been for almost a year how could you just up and leave me hear. Haven't seen a clear day since you went away and nobody ever has the right thing to say to diminish the pain. I guess there are no right words to be said but someone please help me get out of my head. Most days I cant function so I stay in bed and pretend your not dead, instead your out of town and your phone is broken, that's why we haven't spoken.  still when my phone rings im still hoping its you and when I see its not I fall apart and don't know what to do with myself at this point nothing will help.  I'll white knuckle this even though im drowning in the deep dark abyss. I miss you so much and your  warm touch. Nothing will be the same  if I cant reach out and call your name,  now I hope you understand my pain....