Who am i
we hold these weights over our heads,
anointing ourselves with stress and pride,
with a half loaded shot gun aimed at our lives,
battle crys we howl in the night,
suffering drowing, dying,
balls and stress and endless redemption
i am not the mer image of my mother,
i am the reflection of my father,
success and stress,
we try to abase ourselves with ancient science from the past,
where dna and love do not equalize,
in our souls but rather our Brian is programmed,
to make us think otherwise,
as I crash landed to realization,
my bones crumbled but the spirit remains,
we watch them in the snow in the dead of night,
pas the Puritans go out to kill turkeys,
never understanding the common knowledge,
of our future kin,
but only the torment we're living in.
-TA
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Comments
Yo,
try to avoid repeating words / stress 3x in 8 lines/ alternative: synonyms or metaphors, depicted pictures or imagination XD
Same for words like abase, aoint - ing; had to google them lol, maybe I am just stupid, but I find to express yourself with words that can deliver your meaning through, or with picture, metaphor
Your comma usage is interesting.
What is with Puritans and turkeys? XD/could you explain it to me pls?/
What does Brian symbolises? o_o
I got the impression, that you don't like the world / cause of the ancients?/ the way it is now?
Would be interesting to get your interpretation.
me
Basically "we hold... Redemption" is about my time in foster care growing up. It's what children in that situation are thinking are doing. Idk if it's every kid but it was me and the kids I was living with. "I... Father" is because my mom was a religious hooker and my father was a successful loving parent but died of a herion over dose. "We...otherwise" is because In the past if it wasn't your kid you'd get mocked, called a hoe , or even die from the exicutioners axe. When now all you have to do is pay a bunch of money to adopt a kid or get a check every month to have them in your house. Most foster parents just want the check. They don't even want the kid. When if a mother who was ready to have a child and who wanted one gave birth that first breath of life that baby knows who their mother is. If someone wanted to buy a kid they're like "of course I love you" but what their thinking is "I love you because I couldn't have my own to love so I picked out you and started to love you instead" "as.....remains" is when I realized all this shit I was a living corpse for years. The part about the puritans is I'm using it to describe the hunter and the hunted in our civilization. And to answer your question, I don't like people not one bit. But the people who I appreciate and admire are god damn lucky for me to admit that to them because if I could I'd bitch slap the ignorance and stupidity out of the human race like the speed of light through a primise.