Who I am

Humanity requires boxes 
That we all must fit into
But does that not diminish
The person, that is you?
I am an angry person
I've always been the same
I'm not able to smile all day
Hiding all my pain
Ranting is my outlet
Writing poetry, is me coping
I've lost count of the dreams I've lost
So I gave up hoping
Trauma rips your soul apart
 Until you're no longer a human being
It takes a long time to get back up
Even longer to start believing
In anything or anyone
No matter what you try
Sometimes I have let down my guard
But i couldn't tell you why
When I look at me I see nothing
I don't believe in myself
And its easy to say "don't be silly"
When it's someone else
I play up to my perceived persona now
It's easier than trying to explain
That even though the sun shines outside
Inside, it's pouring with rain
I'm trying really really hard
To smile and be happy and glad
But it's hard to change perception
When everyone thinks you're sad
So forgive me if I dont smile all the time
Or if I look away, at the floor
Sometimes I can't deal with everyone
I get overwhelmed to the core.
I'll not apologise for who I am though
What I've been through is enough
To make the strongest person buckle
But I'm still here, acting tough
So I'll work on what I need to
It'll take time and it'll take help
To change myself for the better
To change my faith and my health.