Why!

Why am I just so freaking dumb
the way I behave I'm like a little toddler sucking on their freaking thumb
except I'm not sucking on my fingers, definitely not
I use them to make me gag but in the shower so I won't get caught

because yeah I'm hurt and broken like that
and yeah in my eyes I'm freakin' fat
I'm just so lost and so done with all of this
I feel like life is all just hit and miss

but actually, for me, it's more just like miss all the freakin' time
sometimes things that happen have no freakin' reason or rhyme 
God why are you even helping me or even still watching this sad tale
My life was great it's just me that's the epic fail 

and I know that my poems usually end on a better note and I'm sorry to disappoint you all
but I just can't right now that orders just too tall
I just feel so freakin' overwhelmed by all this freakin' crap
So sorry God for being dumped on your lap