YOU NEVER BROKE ME

My mind is a dark place to contend with each day. 
While raising my children I locked these thoughts away. 

I was my parents daughter, loved and cherished. 
Through no fault of their own this was totally dismissed. 

Placed into a system. 
Corrupt and wrong. 
I was never protected. 
Raised in an institution misled and neglected. 
The people they placed me with were highly respected. 

People of a Catholic faith. 
To speak bad of them was such a disgrace. 

Four years of age scared and alone.
Away from the place id known as home. 

Confused and frightened unsure who I could trust. 
Mentally physically and sexually abused. 
Looked at with discust. 

Placed into a cold bath with sheets when I'd wet. 
Followed by a beating I'd never forget .
Terrified to drink at night incase I did the same. 
When I woke I endured the same treatment again. 

I always thought it was my own fault for  wetting the bed.
Now I know it was the fear in my head. 

Any food I refused, to be then force fed. 
Id gag struggle and vomit till my face was red.
Id swallow this down with the contents of my stomach.
Or a beating I'd get for causing such havoc. 

Being pulled out of my bed at night for your filthy dead to be done. 
I'd then lay awake wishing daylight would soon come. 

The days and nights all became the same.
I often wonder how I'm sane. 

I thank my bloodline for the strength in my viens. 
Discust and pity for you is all that remain.

You think I should of been thankful.
For the care you was giving. 
Each day I was numb with fear. 
That was not living. 

I have many unanswered questions.
My body suffers anxiety sensations.

My mind isn't moulded with resentment or hate. 
Now in 2019 it's never to late. 
Your day is coming 
You'll be held accountable for what you have done. 
The pain you left just for your own fun. 

Those who felt they had the right to abuse me.
Your days are numbered you've not many free. 
You know who you are, so I hope you read above.
Cause soon you'll loose the life you love. 

Caroline Coyle.