a love letter he wont recieve

  
My very first and genuine love.
Over the many years of me getting to know you..
I have fallen more and more in love with you.
We started as friends, became best friends, just like that we were deep in love.
However, before I get ahead of myself I want you to know I remember. Everything.
I remember staying up to 4 am talking to you and asking you to buy me food and cuddle.  
I remember the first time you ever said you loved me.
I remember us getting the key and stealing food from the teacher’s ASG closet.
I remember when you were a powder puff cheerleader and I had to help you get your uniform on.
I remember trying to steal your Naruto headband.
I remember the day you got your braces off how perfect your smile was.
I remember trying to stay after school just to get time with you.
I remember you holding my earrings for me and never giving them back.
I remember the hurt I felt seeing you cry.
I remember feeling as if you were the only person I could trust, the only person there for me.
I remember the happiness I felt when you first told me that you wanted to wife me and disappear off the map.
I remember you asking me to run away with you.
I remember me asking you to run away with me.
I remember us at your mom’s house playing video games.
I remember all of your little siblings and how sweet and funny they were.
I remember having to lie to your mom about knowing where you were when you ran away.
I remember praying you wouldn’t be locked up when you went to court.
I remember you introducing me to your mom, your dad, your siblings and your grandma.
I remember our first kiss, the way you ran your hands through my hair and down my neck.
I remember trying my best to be there for you anytime you needed me.
I remember you crying on the phone to me when your dad beat you.
Or when you would wake up with bad dreams, I remember it all.
I remember you and your older brother getting in fights and me holding you, touching your face, and telling you everything would get better.
I remember being late to most of my classes carrying your book bag and stuff when your leg was messed up.
I remember you telling me that you were never taught what love was but felt like it was closest to what we had.
I remember leaving anyone i was with just to be with you.
I remember skipping class to come see you, and hug and kiss you because you had bad days.
I remember your touch so soft and so rough a perfect combination.
Most of all I remember the pain of when you cheated.
You always apologized and said it would never happen again but sure enough, it always did.
Each time it destroyed me, I remember crying myself to sleep at night.
You have made me compare myself so many girls.
I always concluded that I was not enough.
That as if it was my fault you were cheating.
However, whenever I spoke of such you said I was your everything.
As always, I believed every word out of your mouth.
You could have said anything and I would have taken your word for it.
Nevertheless, through it all I always forgave you when you made your “mistakes.”
The best day of my life was the day with you in the car, I felt as if nothing could go wrong.
As if I had, your heart and you had mine.
So many memories in which I think about both before I go to sleep and when I first wake up.
Over all of this time,
Day by day, I have become extremely fond of you.
When I kissed you and hugged you, I saw my future with you.
Every moment of every day, the thought of us goes through my mind.
I cherished every moment we spent together.
All the late night FaceTime calls, talking about our feelings, and meeting each other’s family.
All the trust, all the memories.
I adored every inch of you.
I had the sweetest infatuation with you.
I craved you in every way possible.
Between those dark brown puppy dog eyes, your perfectly curved curls and those heavenly lips
I was whipped.
 Moreover, even on my saddest days I was happy.
 Your presence brightened my life.
You always got paranoid after long times of not taking your medicine.
You thought I was lying to you, that I was cheating on you, etc.
But in reality..
I had never lied to you, I never could. Not even if I wanted to.
Because at the end of the day you have had my heart for so long, I could not leave you alone if I wanted to.
No matter how much you lied, cheated, and hurt me.
I was so deeply in love with you that I over looked it all.
I blamed myself for everything you put me through.
We had planned so much, to run away, to get married, to just be in love with each other.
 For once, it would be just you and me.
Anything you said I believed you.
Even though I knew better.
I knew you like the back of my hand.
I knew you better than I did myself.
When I see you with these girls, my heartbreaks.
I feel my whole body ache in pain for you were my whole world.  
When I think about what we could have been, I cry.
Because through it all I just wanted to be that one person there for you, to cherish, and love you.
I would have done anything to be with you.
All I can say now is that.. I miss you.
I miss you with every bone in my body.
I miss your laugh, I miss your smile, I miss your hugs, I miss your kisses,
I miss every little thing about you.
Late nights when I’m in the shower, early mornings when I’m contemplating to get out of bed, throughout my day you are on my mind.
However, knowing you I’m probably not even on your mind half of the time.
Only one day did you ever just give me full focus
And that day I praise in my thoughts.
For that day, I knew you felt my love, and I could feel yours.
Nothing could waiver the love I have for you.
Forever and always, you will have my heart.
 
My love letter to you.
My beloved DC..