What I Always Wanted In Life

Now in life you go through many experiences. Whether it's being bullied, going through a rough money patch with your family or just a life or death situation. But later on in life (which seems to be the most convenient time) you seem to get asked: what have you always wanted out of life? Well I'll tell you. I always hated the word but, I've enjoyed the feeling. Reason why I hate the word because of the people who throw it around like it's just a word. Not it's not, it's an emotion, a feeling, and expression, in which combined can make a very happy life for every one. This one word I hate yet always wanted was love. There's been countless of times where I feel unloved. I get it that I should know it but, how can I know it when no one shows it. It's not healthy really going through life wondering if people love you. So I stopped wondering doesn't mean I don't want it. Life goes on so shall I, I mean this type of thing creates suicide. Where people going through wondering if people love them and care for them. I wish I could help. That could start a whole different group. People wouldn't cut themselves, overdose on pills that they know is bad for them. Love is so pushed to the side, it's so crazy. If you look at it, it's what we need to be strong. Racism still going on in our street's, people are terrified of the cops that's supposed to protect and serve. You really get the feeling that the world's going to hell. I know this is supposed to be about my life and it is. It's just there's two different sides of love I want. 1: where my family actually treat me like they do. And 2: where I could be in love with some beautiful woman who accept and loves me back for me. You see I'm writing this so I can get it off of my chest so I can feel free of a burden that's been haunting me all this time. I mean Jesus I been having dreams about fighting my family, actual dream! It's terrible, I don't know why so I feel if let go of it all I can be at peace with myself and with others in the family. As for me being in love, well I haven't found the right girl yet. I try to do what I think is best for me yet it seems to be a fail. I've gotten better I'll admit I'm starting be that romantic guy I once was. At least I think. I don't want to be lonely cause I think that's where I'm headed. I pray to God hoping he will help me in some way. I always will pray on it because everyone needs somebody to hold and love dear. Maybe this is why I mean a guy who writes books and poetry. Yeah he seems interesting. I'm a good guy at that girls don't like good guys no more. I mean what are we in the 70's good guys finish last in the world now. What am I thinking? Who am I fooling? Nobody at all. "Might as well give up kid. You've lost every round and don't have enough power for a knockout. You gave it your best try, you're just not ready".