autism my super power part 2

Or at least I wish I could say that, You see I was fired immediately, sent home. Only When I arrived back in Ohio I called my mom, she didn’t answer. Called my aunt and she told me she had told my mom not to talk to me, because according to her, my mom has been doing so well since I have left, that it would be best if I never came home at all. Turns out my aunt had, had no idea what my mom and dad, had done to me all those years. They were about ready to throw me in the streets. Luckily this time I was ready for her bull shit, I had a about 200 to my name, it’s not a lot but it’s all I had left, no college money left, just my last pay check from Fema, and another that I had no idea when it would arrive. I looked through the phone book while freaking out, I never once figured I would be fired for what I had done.

Yet here I was when it had finally hit me, in a airport at 1 am. Looking anywhere I could find for some hotel that was not full and within my budget. What would I do? How will I get through this? These were just some of the questions I had begun to ask myself. I’d lived on the streets before but of my own choice. This was different, it was winter I was in a area I was not familiar with, and I was almost certain I would not find magic mushrooms  randomly growing in the woods, if I did not find a hotel I was certain I would freeze. I settled for a motel 8, it was 40 bucks a night, the only cheaper one was known for doubling as a crack house, and I did not want to get involved in that. I paid the taxi driver about 15 bucks, and got into my room, cursing my mother to sleep. No job, No family, just me by myself, I was alone it was not farming season I had no fucking clue what I would do to get out of this pickle. So I slept on it. I woke up the next day with a slightly clearer head, First thing was first I needed some money. I had to pay for that day so I would not get kicked out of the motel, I needed food and I had to get a job as well as enough money for the rest for the rest of the week. I kept thinking why is she so unwilling to help me. Why would he throw me out? I did nothing wrong. Yet here I was left to suffer. If there is anything my mother did ;love. It was money she had no problem taking checks from me, or getting things she liked, So I sent her a call hoping she might answer this time. I had one this that she wanted, I did not want to part with it I had worked an entire summer for it. She could not use it because it had it insured and he thought insured meant restraining order, because I kind of made her think that’s what it meant.  I sold my 54 in plasma screen tv. I almost cried as I was forced to part ways with it and I had to sell it for 200 which only got me another week, but it did buy me some more time, I had to use every dollar , every moment to my advantage, I began walking miles and miles to collect job applications, I was applying to any job that I could get one from, any money was better than no money. When I was filling out those applications it gave me a lot of time to reflect on myself and my actions so far, was this karma? Did it really exist? My logical thinking mind tried to go 0over every moment of my entire life asking itself if this was possible, and I came to the conclusion that no it was not, karma did not exist, and it never will, the facts are that bad things happen to good people, and bad people regardless of your actions, you can kill a person today, get away with it and if you live a healthy life live out the rest of your days until you die of old age. This was not my fault. I did not have this coming, it made me smile, if in fact I was right, karma did not exist, then I could in fact overcome this with my resourcefulness, if a person can prove that I am not smart, then I improve myself until they acknowledge my relentless ability, If I am accused of being so lazy, then I will create something so spectacular, that they can only accept the conclusion that I spent the time being idle trying to figure out how I would create this masterpiece, It was my creed to always have a backup plan, to do whatever is necessary, in order to get to where I need to go. This was were either I end up on the street a month from now, or limp by until I get to a place where I can take a step up. I decided my relatives needed to know the truth so I told them the truth about my mom. At first they were all like, nooo she would never do that. Then eventually they started realizing it made more sense that my mom was that way rather than me only being that way whenever I was not around them, which used to be quite often. I got a call back from McDonalds, When I was 12 I told myself I’d rather suck a dick than work at McDonalds, I looked around to see if anyone was offering, then said yes I would love to work at McDonalds , Oh God do I look back at this part of my life with such hatred, It was not the place for me Either I was working too fast for them to keep up with me, or I was making too much after a rush to put out and they were throwing away more food that making it, but for the most part  I did well, my money had gone toward the room for the week and the next, so I had very little for food, try working full time at fast food while hungry, and I didn’t get free meals, I got like a 10% discount, I was broke I didn’t even have enough for the discount, so with each day I would come in I would get hungrier, and hungrier, and each day less and less energy. I called in ick on day and was fired do to the no sick days in the first 30 days, they were following protocol, and I was o hungry I was pissing out of my ass. Not a pretty picture I know, Just imagine how much it sucked for me. This is not an autobiography, this is my attempt to portray what I have concluded in my life thus far, but if I do not tell you how I came to this conclusion, you may think I’m a bit mad. I am possibly off a bit, but I am certainly not mad, I am a fighter. I will never give in when my cards are down. I win I conquer all that gets in my way and nothing will ever stop me, if an unmovable force is in my way, I will obliterate it. Obviously I am not homeless anymore. I am a welder, and I will start college again soon so I can finally get my teaching degree.  I have seen so much and learned a lot about myself as a person and the people around me. Here I was a man labeled autistic, yet it never once stopped me, Iv been also labeled bipolar add adhd. Yet never once had they provided proof other than conditional evidence. I was and still am a good person even though I no longer believe in Karma, I have been engaged and gone head to head with the Chicago mafia and got out alive, won 2 boxing matches and then later become a pacifist, yet through it all I still have so much more to do so many more people to see and hear their life stories and further develop my own. What I have gathered thus far, is you can have infinite darkness inside you put there by dark people, but it does not make you a bad person, you can be raised by the cruelest of souls and still overcome such darkness. No matter what happens in your life it is up to you as to what happens in your future. Only you can make the difference in yourself, and while at times it can seem Nye impossible to continue onwards, you must never ever give up. No matter what a person says to bring you down or does in a faulted attempt to hinder your cause, unless you are dead and buried into the ground do not give up. I I was walking down the street today and was murdered were I stood, I would die having no regrets, even though I wish to live until old age, immortality would be nice but so far is not a option, I can die today without any regrets whatsoever I am entirely content with the life I have lived so far and I would not trade it for another in all the world.

Every day I look around at the people who judge others and bring them down and I only feel pity for them because all they can feel is darkness but I see the light in everything I see the truth. I only need to discover what it is I am meant to do with it. Each day I add a new page to my overall story, discovering new things meeting all kinds of unique and beautiful people, even the bad ones are beautiful because it is new, and I can understand how their piece fits into the larger picture. My only wish is to be able to teach this kind of vision to the world so they can see how I see a complete picture were all the colors blend together in a perfect way. I probably sound so cliché but I mean every word, I aim to change the world in a major way, as an American I am more than aware how blindingly prideful we can be, and at times we become oblivious to those who suffer around us, or right next door to us. No matter what happens I have to have hope, that even if Karma does not exist that it is still possible to do something about all this anger and mistrust, that somehow I can do something so different from somebody else, or so unique that maybe, possibly I have what it takes to do something to reverse this darkness in the world, or at least discover the person who will, or discover the person who will discover the person, even such a menial discovery in itself would be quite miraculous. I already and an adult, yet I have only just begun to dream

My name is Tim I have autism but it is not a disability, it is my super power.

( I added this part to the original post, this is just posted here for the people who already read the first one all the way through)