Breaking Crystal

I remember the day... 

Outside a crisp breeze blew, which gently moved the frosted grass. I blew into my hands to warm them up, an almost futile endeavour. I watched as my breath rose into the air, a faint wisp of heated vapour, surging to heaven, before dying.

One thing I knew for sure, was that school uniforms were never designed for the cold. They looked good and made us uniform, but sure as hell, it was a suffering we had to bear.

I trudged my usual trek with lacklustre abandon. It might have been a Friday, but I still had a whole day of school, before I would be free. 

My brain had not yet started to work, it was to cold for that to happen yet, so my thoughts were quite caveman like. One foot in front of the other and do not fall on your face.

Head down, I acknowledged no one, ignored all equally. Only once at school, would I become social. Before school was my time. At school I would have no choice but to interact socially, but till then...quite time.

I arrived before the hellish gates of my daily prison and paused. I looked upon the drab lifeless buildings, where we came to have our individuality stripped from us. I shook my head and steeled my resolve.

Before entering I plastered my long fringe back into place. My hair was way longer than the regulation two fingers above the eyebrows. Thank heavens for gel, I have always said.

All to soon the demonic scream of the school bell, tore into my head, signalling the beginning of my torture. Only two hours and thirty minutes till break. You have made it before many times over the years, I told myself.

That morning they seemed to be extra sadistic, we had to listen to a speech from one of the teachers. I zoned out and let him babble. His words literally went in the one ear and out the other.

I did not even hear him call my name, summoning me to the podium. I was awakened from my reverie by a push in the back. That is when I heard my name repeated for the second time. He taunted me over that, as I approached him.

I felt all eyes boring into me, as I casually sauntered up to him, wondering what I had done this time. He lectured us about neatness and obeying the dress code. I was made to tuck my shirt in and do my tie properly. Inwardly I swore at that ogre. Humiliation was always their best weapon.

Next he moved onto the subject of hair. He casually flicked my hair into my face and then presumed to barage me about the rules. I placed my hair back in its place. My anger was climbing to the surface and I told myself that when he dared try it again...

I was ready when he tried it again, so I slapped his hand away from me. I glowered and told him if he assaulted me one more time, I would lay a charge against him. My fellow pupils laughed at the teacher, whose bluster had now died with the wind.

The sun poked its head out to get a look at what was going on, but for all my bravado, it got me a trip to the principals office. Where I was met and given six of the best. I wore those stripes with pride.

I walked the halls to my first class and savoured the pointing and thumbs up of my fellow students. My jovial mood was soon soured by Afrikaans Second Language, a tedious dying language, kept alive by the oppressive government state we lived in. I felt my brain cells dying that day.

I always sat in the back, in a secluded corner, so I could drift off on a tangent of how I was going to ask Crystal, to go to that nights party with me. 

I looked across the room and smiled. Her black hair was pulled back in a tight pony tail, offseting her milky white skin. I devoured her lips everytime she smiled, which was quite often and silently prayed she would look my way, so I could see her light grey eyes.

Those eyes alone, were reason enough for me to ask her out. She could have been the size of a barn and I would not have cared. I could have lost myself in those eyes forever. Do not get me wrong by the way, she had a body to match. My thoughts were most definitly not pure.

Once more I found myself on the receiving end of attention from a teacher. Satan's favorite witch ripped me from my fantasies and boy were they explicit. 

She rambled off a question in her stupid language and with contempt I answered her in English. Needless to say, I made no friend of her. 

She went red, veins bulging on the sides of her head, spittle flew from her mouth like a ravening dog. How fitting a description I thought, she was most definitly as ugly as one. She ranted and raved at me in her "Taal" and I just wached her. 

When she was spent like a dying tornado, I asked her in English, if she was quite finished. I was rewarded with her storming from the room.

I sat back, legs on the table and enjoyed my little victory. I knew it would be fleeting and another trip to the "office" was immanent,  I knew the system.

After a few minutes I was once more in Satan, the headmasters office. I allowed him to lambast me in his broken English and laughed inwardly at his constant wiping of his bald head. That man in my opinion should have been a clown, still is.

He admonished me as sternly as he could with his limited vocabulary and confined me to an hours detention. Sighing I said I had nothing better to do anyway. I returned to class with a little less bounce in my step.

At interval time I sucked up the courage to wander over to Crystal and her group of attachments. Sucked it up and let her have it in my most charming way. Believe me I could charm a horse into drinking water. Those were the days.

To my horror and total surprise, I hit the proverbial iceberg and watched my ship sink faster than the titanic. Nothing against me she said, but the fact I was a metal head counted against me. She quite liked my cute red cheeks, my cool demeanour, my boyish good looks...well I could go on praising myself, but for what purpose.

Any way, she left me feeling like Dresden, the day after the Allies fire bombed it, but hey I bounced back, said thank you and I like to believe I casually sauntered off into the distance, but actually it was more of a brutal stalk.

An hour detention and I was going alone to a party again, because I was the metal freak, bloody hell, how much worse could that day get? I would have stood a better chance of getting a girl, if I had leprosy! 

I found out later how much worse...they summoned my parents for a meeting. I was going to be dead when we got home, knowing my old man, he would resurrect me, just to kill me again.

Ok, he was not that bad. Just had to sit through an hour lecture once we were all home again. Luckily for me I did not get grounded or the party was off. My two bottles of vodka were waiting to get drunk and so was I.

Stop tutting in the back ground, I was eighteen, totally legal.

I put my best kit on. My Doc Martins, with black jeans, black socks of course, black Metallica Unforgiven T shirt, black and red lumber jack shirt and over that my black full length trench coat. I wore it before Neo, ever did. 

Painted my nails black and red, no lipstick, I am a man after all. Put my earings in, one a skull with a moving jaw and the other a full skeleton. My necklace was a pentagram over an upside down cross, a real showstopper. Still have them with me today.

Once done I surveyed my spectacular self in the mirror...evil. Just for a second I was tempted for the corpse paint and the black lipstick, but I reminded myself that it was not a metal party, but a dance party. I was just going, because it was an excuse to drink and have some fun.

Maybe Crystal might change her mind...yea right! That avenue was dead like a buffalo caught by a crocodile, was all I could think off. Getting drunk was second priority.

The party started at nine, the music was pumping, anything from The Cure, Depeche Mode to Two Unlimited roared out the speakers. 

Cigarette smoke filled the house, driving most outside for breaths of fresh air, before they dove back in, in hedonistic vigour. Alchol flowed freely from the neck of a bottle, past the lips, down necks, in its quest for livers.

The evening was quite warm, considering the cold mornings birth, but this did not make me take off my trench coat, much as a mother would not willingly give up her baby.

I relegated myself to a corner, from whence I could watch festivities and cool my throat with the delight of vodka and lemonade. I consumed three glasses before I saw her. Such beauty, sex appeal, raw vixen power. I must admit I did wipe my palm over my mouth to remove the drool.

Crystal entered the room, in a daringly short red mini skirt...I required no imagination when I gazed longingly upon her. I stared at her nipple stand and realized she had no bra on. Still hard to believe she is a few days older than me.

Where ever she went, stares, no, leers followed her. She turned both male and female heads. Who was I kidding, maybe if I went normal, I would stand a chance with her. I mulled this over a few moments before slamming my whole drink back. What foolish thoughts back then.

No, I liked who I was, I was who I was and I was not going to change for any woman, no matter who they were. So I believed and I still like to tell myself that, but we all know the truth.

I took my time drinking, measuring myself out to last the night. Others though were not as wise as me. Many a body lay strewn in corners passed out. Quite a few people were worshipping the holy white porcelian bowl and other areas. Not me, I danced, I ate, I smoked and drank. I enjoyed myself.

Then I saw what I wished not to see, Crystal making out with a man, yes a man, easily twenty two or so. He was a vision to woman, dressed in the finest clothes, handsome, a real Casanova. I felt a range of emotions as I watched them grope and paw each other.

Anger, jealousy, disgust and down right disappointment, fought for my attention. I watched till they disappeared into a room, the door closing, my signal to get some fresh air to cool down. A few of her friends sniggered at me as I made my way outside. There was no need to stay inside for what I knew was going to happen. It was out of my control.

I stood by the pool, watching the ripples wash around. When I noticed a commotion, all were going inside. I followed discreetly, intrigued by what could have all of a sudden killed the music.

Laughter was issueing from the room Crystal had gone into. I saw that the door was open and people were crowded, staring and laughing.

I pushed my way forward and was rewarded with a site that churned my stomach, here was this guy grinding away on top, while one of his friends with his boot on his arse, was urging him to hurry up and finish. The gathered crowd were gawking and laughing.

I then saw her eyes, which were like a deers reflected in headlights, she knew not what to do. Mercifully or not, he finished with a grunt, stood up and threw his used condom on her. He grabbed his clothes and hers I noticed.

He and his friends pushed their way out, high fiving each other as they went, he casualy dressed as he left. Must say he was a bit short on the important bit. I did not really look, its just he was naked and it was just there. Jeez!

I stared at him disgusted, as the crowd departed. I turned and looked back at the wreck he had just left. None of her friends rushed to her aid. I was flabbergasted at this, how quickly they had disassociated themselves from her.

I watched helplessly as she floundered, searching for a dress that was gone, while trying to cover up, what all had seen. A few males lingered ogling her more than they should.

Then and there I did what my father and mother taught me, what they had encouraged me to be on the inside. I strode purposely into the room, tore off my trench coat, while shoving a few vultures out the way and covered her. Be a gentleman.

She looked up at me with her beautiful eyes, that were filled with pain, humiliation and defeat. Tears streaked down her cheeks, though see sobbed not. I averted my eyes as my heart broke for her and I felt of her pain.

My eyes misted over, so I looked away and I saw on the white sheet...the tell tale sign...she was no more a virgin. Slowly I looked back at her, in a bundle on the floor, wrapped in my trench coat, her only protection.

By now the music was blasting again, as if nothing had happened. People were dancing, drinking and making merry, regaling in the show. The way out for her escape was open then.

Gingerly, I helped her up and sat her on the bed, found her shoes and put them back on. I helped her out the door, her head buried in my shoulder. I am glad it was there, as she did not have to see the dog drive off with his friends, waving her dress out the window.

In silence I walked her home, hugging her as she clung to me. This was all I had to offer and she took it gladly. I could not believe how that piece of shit had acted. The night surrounded us, followed us from light post to light post, questioning, touching us, running around us, trying to see if we were alright. 

I had so many thoughts rushing through my mind that night, I am surprised my brain did not fry.

At her door of her house she collapsed sobbing, crying quitely. Awkwardly I tried to console from a distance, but she grabbed me and pulled me tight. She cried a while upon my chest, as I hugged her tight, breathing in her silky hair. 

Her mother eventually opened the door saving me from shedding tears. Gingerly I gave her over, her mother asking what was wrong. I assured her it was not my place to tell her and I made a hasty retreat to the shelter of darkness.

As I ran, I heard her mother call, that I had left my trench coat. I did not bother, I could get it another day. Home I went, with this bothering me, I hardly slept, so tortured was I by this cruelty I had witnessed.

When sleep finally overwhelmed me, I was awakened by my mother. There was a phone call for me. Groggily I answered the phone, craving still slumbers embrace. I awoke to the voice on the other side.

It was Crystal! 

She told me I could come fetch my trench coat, it was waiting for me. I wasted no time getting dressed and going over. It was best to get this over with and fast! No need to embarrass her more than necessary. Monday would see to that.

When I got to her house, it took me a few moments before I could ring the bell. Her mother opened, saw me...and hugged me. To say I was shocked, is a mild way of putting it. She practically dragged me in and summoned her daughter with a call.

Crystal crept out her room, bearing my trench coat neatly folded, something it had never been before. She handed it over as if it were a flag at a burial.

Faster than a snake she hugged me, muttered thank you and was confined in the safety of her room again. The mother was sad, it was etched all over her face. She thanked me again for all I had done and was glad my parents raised me well. 

She did frown at my necklace and earings though, who could blame her.

******

Monday came to quick, I was at school early, something totally new for me. I had decided I would be Crystal's friend, through this time she would now go through. 

Her mother dropped her off and I could see her fear. She was like a rabbit trapped by a fox with nowhere safe to go. I strode purposefully up to her and took her hand, gave her my best smile, which I must say is quite radiant, you could most likely see it from the moon and led her through the gates to her torment.

As we walked I whispered to her, that I would stand by her till she was ready to face them alone. She smiled at me a smile, that would have made the popes knees wobble. She squeezed my hand and we confronted the school, together. 

Crystal was shattered into a thousand pieces, who would I be fooling if I said otherwise? We took it day by day, picking up the pieces, painstakingly putting them back together. Rebuilding her life amongst the jibes, the mockery and pain others placed on her.

She had less friends, which was for the best, they at least were true. With time, I had helped her put herself back together, stronger, more resilient, wiser. Yet I will admit I lived with the fear that once she found her feet again, that she would move on...

Forty years later, we are still together...I am so glad I was wrong.