Conversations With the Old Man of Kenner Coons, Gators, Weather, #6

You know I've been thinking about how the old man from Kenner comes up with all his tales for his homebound mom. When you live in the deep south by the Mississippi river, there is plenty of swamp land. Now in those swamps are all kinds of creatures. I realize if you live in a part of the country with lots of hills and hollers, well, you got some creatures, too, like bears, cougars, cayotes. Well, when you live in swamp land, you got sneaky critters. They can sneak up on you and grab you before you even know they are there. It can be mighty, quiet and spooky, in the dark and you hear this loud splash and can't see what it is. So, my theory is the old man from Kenner, rather than allow him and his dog Baxter to be scared, turns those critters into friendly fellows. For example, this is a conversation we had one day while having hot tea with his mom.

The old man of Kenner, sipping on his tea, sits back in his chair and says, “Ya know mom, drinking this tea reminds of when I gave dem gators a bucket of hot tea. In return, dey gave me their family gumbo recipe. They like to use aged stinky meat in theirs. Me, I don't wanna cook it dat way. Yeah, one day I brought them some coco. Dey gave me and Baxter, dog, some slightly chewed ducks. “

His mom laughed and said, “ shut up son, and make me some more tea and don't waste it on those gators.”

Without missing a beat, the old man says, “ You know it rained so much today, I see dem raccoons running the ferryboat service. Dey lassoed a gator and dangle da fishing line with a big chunk of meat in front of him to make em swim. When he slowed down, another coon poked him with a sharp stick to speed him up. Must have been about ten coons riding on his back having fun. Then I saw the damdest thing this afternoon. A bunch of raccoons standing by the highway. Dey was holding little surf boards in their paws. Every time a truck would pass, dey grab their boards and ride de waves the trucks made on the puddles. Dey rip dem curls like pros. Ya should of seen it. Was a site to behold. “

His mom, said, “ Boy you can make up some wild tales. “

Continuing on, the old man said, “ yeh the other day, it was so cold that wildlife and fisheries agents were passing out wetsuits to gators and hats and gloves to the rest of the coons and rabbits and squirrels. I saw a pelican fly over with a wool hat on it's head and the coons done built dem selves a big bonfire and cooking some chili. Me and Baxter went and hung out with dem dat day. It was so cold, I saw de squirrels roasting dey pecans.”

Changing the subject, his mom says, “ on the radio talk show, they said NASA is hoping to find alien life form by 2025. They asked people if they believe in UFOs and aliens, etc. Would that shake your belief in God.”

The old man from Kenner replied, “ Don't know about dat, mom, but I have been having some interesting talks with lizards in the yard. I am hoping to go on a trip with dem, too, and meet the lizard king. Dey showed me a picture of him. He looks like a big ole Trex, big ole bastard.

His mom says, “ Yes, I prefer lizards to aliens. “

“Baxter dog and I talk to dem and dey is friendly critters. The other night, me and Baxter sat on the roof wearing rabbit ears made of tin foil so we can contact UFOs. We were hoping no one would call the law on us. We be hating dat. Well, after two nights on de roof, a space craft swoops down and picks us up. Space boogers on board and we thought we were going into outer space. Instead dey really wanted to go to wiggle, jiggle clubs on Bourbon street. Me and Baxter dog are good church going boys. We went to Central Grocery, got a mufallata and Barq's rootbeer while dey was partying. A good time was passed by all. Little space boogers were too drunk to fly, so I had to fly. Woowe, what a ride. Gave dem some coffee and sent dem on dey way. “

“ Sorry, I brought the subject up” says his mom. “I'll take some more hot tea. “

So that was another day, another talk with the old man from Kenner. Now this is a warning. The next conversation and final chapter might just be a tear jerker. So get out your hankies for the final #7 chapter in a day or so.

To be continued #6 of 7 chapters