dream a nightmare

Dream a little day dream.
A sweet and shiny day dream.
One that will not injure you or deny you.
One that will always stay so perfect.
I wish to go to sleep. 
Not awake to the awful reality of your leaving.  OF your refusal of my love.
  of the fear I saw in your face when you left. The stomache turning expression of facing 
the truth of all the lies you told
I sit in the unrestrained darkness.. Faded and diminished. Not alive yet not dead. I 
avoid the light like a cave creature.. not wanting anyone to see my dramatic 
facade.. NOt wanting anyone to call me on it.  I would rather fade into no consequence.
than have it reaffirmed by my friends.
You won.
You really did and it shows in all the areas of my loss. I cannot see the end of this
I cannot fathom I shall swim to the other side of the sea.  can you ?