HEAVENLY SISTER

Prologue

Hi, my names Jenny. Talk about a hard life, recently I lost both my parents to a drunk that thought it clever to drive on the opposite side of the road  causing a head on collision with my parents car which according to the coroner killed them on impact. He said they never stood a chance and they wouldn’t have felt any pain.

Call me naïve but a big ass car hitting you at 70mph has got to hurt, hasn’t it? Anyway that was two years ago today, since that day my life has changed dramatically, you see my brother suffers from a bone marrow deficiency and desperately needs a bone marrow transplant.

 Ben bless his soul has been on the waiting list like forever, so since I had to drop out of university where I was studying law to look after him I’ve been trying to raise the cash to send him to a private clinic but as of yet haven’t managed to save anything as I can’t seem to land that elusive job.

My mum and dad left us this house, while I’m grateful for this gift I didn’t realise what responsibilities came with running a household, the bills, why is there so many bills?

Houses should come with a warning! Beware! Buy me and have endless red letters pushed through your letterbox.

 I might sound ungrateful but honestly I’m not, it’s just that nobody prepared me for the cards I have been dealt and two years of neglect has taken its toll on the house.

 Let’s just say squatters would find this paradise.

You may be thinking I’m sure your parents left you some money and yes you’d be thinking right but after the funeral costs and settling the mortgage on the house, well let’s just say money doesn’t stretch that far these days and after all the expenditures there wasn’t a lot left to buy the bare essentials.

I’ve been looking for work, nothing snazzy just something to fit in between the care of my brother maybe a barmaid or part time at a coffee house I’d take anything really, I get so bored at home. Bens my brothers bless him but come on there’s only so much of your sibling you can tolerate before you need a change of scenery.

Chapter: 1 Interview

Come on! someone please give me a job I will do absolutely anything, well almost anything, I mean who wants to scrub toilets for a living or wipe old people’s asses? I know, you can say it I’m being a brat but I’m not honestly, alright maybe I am but that’s only because I’m over qualified to do such meaningless tasks. Let’s face it; you don’t go to university for a degree in toilet cleaning do you? God! I am a brat aren’t I? What must you think of me?

Well for your information tomorrow I have a job interview, it’s nothing fancy just a barmaid at a local pub but hey it’s a job isn’t it? Granted it’s not my dream job where I’d get to wear a pinstriped power suit to work every day but hey there the breaks and this job does have a uniform of sorts consisting of a short pleated mini skirt and a tight fitting blouse with cooper’s cove written on the rear, I know classy right? Wrong! But hey, beggars can’t be choosers, can they?

It’s Friday morning 8 am. Yay, it’s my interview today. Please god, please give me a break and land me this job. I promise I will never ask for anything again apart from the usual things like world peace and a happy ending to my brother’s illness. Sorry, I do waffle don’t I?

Well I suppose I’d better make tracks as my interview with Richard the owner of the establishment is at nine so I better not disappoint and make a good first impression and be on time, you know what they say, the early worm catches the bird or is it the early bird catches the worm? Grrr, who cares as long as someone gets the worm right? The worm being the metaphor for the job I’ve applied for, but you knew that right?

Well, I’d better get dressed, no time to lose, I wouldn’t want to be late. Now what should I wear, any suggestions? No, oh well I guess this will have to do then, my little black skirt and white blouse and would you think me slutty if I wore this push up bra to make my breasts stand out more? Sorry, can’t hear you, I thought you said slut or did my ears deceive me?

Listen if a bit of eye candy lands me this job then so be it. You must understand I need this job my brothers counting on me to bring home the bacon so to speak, so I will do whatever it takes to land this job even if that means cheapening myself for the duration of the interview.

Now do I wear loads of slap or should I be subtle? Too much and I could look like aunt sally you know the one off that old tv series worzel gummage, whilst too little and I might look as though I’m suffering from anaemia what do you think? I thought you might say that, subtle it is.

Hey, can you keep a secret? Well ok then take your black eyeliner and run it around the contour of your lips, I know amazing right? See how it makes them stand out from the red lip gloss? Now you promised to keep that between us, I’m trusting you with that little tip, I don’t tell just anybody you know, kiss, kiss.

Well I’m ready, my reflections telling me I’m dressed to impress, top button open or closed, what do you think? Ok, ok I will go with the conservative look button closed it is, spoilsport where’s your sense of adventure?

 Well here I go, wish me luck, now why would you say that and let’s face it break a leg isn’t really appropriate is it? No, i didn’t think so, why say it in the first place?, readers eh, can’t do without them or could I? ha, ha just messing with you, please carry on reading I really need you as much as you need me and my story is just getting started.

Shit! Look at the time, I better get a wiggle on but first I better check on Ben.

Come on follow me, Awe, bless  he’s sleeping like a baby, a baby sawmill that is, can you hear him? Yep I agree earplugs are needed, his snoring is atrocious. Ah bless, look at him, I do love him so much although he does come across as ungrateful at times but hey that’s what big sisters are for, he feeds me his shit and I swallow it whole. Ha, ha got ya, bet you thought I meant that literally didn’t you? Well I’m sorry if I turned your stomach as verbally intended only I swear.

“Beep beep” great that must be my taxi, wish me luck, hmm having a sense of deja-vu are you? Well you’re keeping me talking, look I’ve got to go otherwise I’m going to be late, beep, beep, jeeze he’s impatient isn’t he? I’d better get my ass in gear before he drives off without me, we wouldn’t want that now, would we?

 Fifteen minutes pass.

Well I’m here and I must stress I’m not that impressed with the place if I’m honest, am I being that brat again or were my expectations far too high? I’m not too sure so you choose, oh, ok brat it is then I somehow thought you’d choose that.

Well here goes nothing, I’m going in (door creaks) “ah, you must be Jenny, I’m Richard the owner of this dump I have been expecting you, 9am bang on the button” he says glancing down at his watch.

 Hmm, what do I make of this place? Well the décor is an acquired taste, I mean just look at those pictures tragic just tragic and look at the dust this place needs some serious tlc (tender loving care) but you knew that right?

Well I better look interested otherwise I don’t stand a cat in hells chance of getting this job do I?

 I’d better listen and ask some interesting questions and give him that look, you know the one that makes you look interested hanging on his every word but really it’s a charade because he’s not making any sense or is that just me?

“Well Jenny, shall we get started?” he asks smiling.

Now should I smile sweetly and remain silent and nod my head or should I say yes let’s get on with it? Hmmm, I agree take the assertive approach and let my voice be heard.

“Yes Richard, please do” I reply, does that sound too formal? Bugger it, that’s what I’m going with.

“Now Jenny, what experience do you have in bar work” he asks leaning back in his chair.  

Hmmm another tricky one, do I be honest and say nada or lie and make myself to be barmaid of the year. Come on don’t go silent on me now I need your help. Hello, readers are you still there? Phew! Thank god for that, I thought I’d lost you, so…. What do you say then? Yep I knew it, the first time I set eyes on you I said to myself this reader has got morels, like my mum used to say, “Tell the truth and shame the devil.”

“Well maybe a little, who am I kidding I wouldn’t know the bottle from the glass if I am being honest with you. Sorry Richard, I’m wasting your valuable time, I’d better be going, I have made a fool of myself” and with that said  I stand to leave straitening my skirt on the dismount and head towards the door.

“Hey, jenny what’s the rush? You might not have the skills for the job but you certainly have other assets on offer, after all punters like a pretty face and an impressive cleavage, come on sit back down and finish the interview, tell you what, you fill in this health questionnaire and give me a holla when you’re done, I will be in the cellar bringing up some mixers ok.?

Hmmm, sounds sleazy to me, took him long enough though to mention my cleavage, I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to fill out the health questionnaire as I’ve nothing to lose at this point  so I re-take my seat and proceed to fill it out.

Ten minutes pass.

“Richard”

“Yes”

“Ah there you are, I’ve finished the questionnaire, it’s there on the table” I say pushing it over to his side.

Richard picks the questionnaire up and scrutinizes it.

“Hmm, I see you have no serious illnesses, is there anything else that would hinder you working for me?” he asks whilst tapping his pen against his teeth.

Sugar, why did he have to ask that, dilemma time folks, do I (A) tell the truth about my brother or (B) lie through my teeth in the hope of landing this job? God I hate you, didn’t you get any love when you were a kid so feel the need to take it out on me? The truth it is then you really do have morels don’t you?

Deep breath Jenny and exhale, “Richard, cards on the table, I have a brother who is terminally ill but I promise his care wouldn’t interfere with my job if you were to give the placement to me,” I say rather convincingly if I do say so myself.

. Shut it! I wasn’t asking your opinion, what was that? No Oscar for my performance?  I disagree. The interview seems to be going well, so shows what you know lol. I’m kidding of course your opinion matters. I mean where would this story be without the reader? Yeah you’re probably right and the lining of a hamster cage seems a fitting demise. Bit cruel, but hey they’re your thoughts.

What’s taking Richard so long to make a decision? I mean not that I’m in a rush or anything or it’s a life changing decision, well not for him anyways however it’s not his head on the chopping block is it? I really need this job. If there is a god up there listening please hear me and grant me this one wish. Please, please make Richard give me this job. Please give me a break. Don’t you think the cards I’ve been given are shitty enough?

BANG! Richard slams the front legs of his chair onto the floor. I’ve got to admit that bang scared me silly as I was deep in conversation with the man upstairs (GOD).  

“Cards on the table Jenny, you’re overqualified and to be honest if I were to give you the position I’d feel as though I was holding you back from greater things.

Hang on, BIG PAUSE HERE, holding me back? Is he having a laugh? Holding me back from what? Doesn’t he know I can’t make ends meet as it is? What a condescending prick! I know where my size 6 will be going if he carries on belittling me. GRRRR men!

AND RESUME. Sorry about that, rant over. I better start listening again. I’ve already missed half the conversation.

“Jenny, Jenny?” he says whilst snapping his fingers in front of my face.

“Yes Richard” I reply.

“I’m not boring you, am I?” he chuckles.

Dilemma time again. Do I say (A) yes your boring the crap out of me?

Or do I go (B) and say no, not at all, my mind just drifted for a second or two? 

Yep! How did I guess what you’d pick? Your moral compass is straight to the north, where are your grey areas? Everybody has flaws. Yes, even you, reader.

Well after a bit of thought I’m going with option (B) in the hopes I can work my magic on him, failing that I’ll just push my breasts in his face, that ought to do the trick. So with that in mind I better lead with, “sorry my mind drifted for a second or two.” cheesy grin to finish.

He returns my gesture and I watch as the corners of his mouth begin to curl.

“Well this is how I see it! You have no bar experience, however that said, that can be taught. What you do have going for you is that sweet personality, killer looks, and if I may be so bold an appeasing cleavage”(wondered how long it would take for him to mention that again, men eh, all the same) Slap a pair of wobbly boobs in front of their face and their putty in hands. Remember that ladies and you’ll never go wrong)

I listened intently to what he had to say and felt my cheeks begin to flush, and reply, “is it hot in here?” then fan my hand in front of my face.

To be honest I’m a little confused as to why my cheeks are flushed. Is it (A) I’m angry at his brazen comment and want to hear him sing soprano as I twist off his balls? Or is it (B) I’m just embarrassed? I’ll leave you with that whilst I rip his balls off. Just kidding to be honest my thinking it’s a bit of both.

And I’m back in the room.

I smile and reply, “Thanks for noticing” again I immediately blush. Why am I blushing do I fancy him? PAUSE! Let’s break this down. Looks wise he’s ok,  but he’s no Channing Tatum, he neither has the looks or the body although I do find him quite enduring with his cute dimpled cheeks and that goatee beard, not to mention he’s older than I usually go for. Twenty five is usually my max and he has to be thirty five, maybe even pushing forty judging by the worry lines across his forehead. In conclusion then, Nah, I don’t fancy him so that leaves the question of why the flushed cheeks then not to mention why my eyes are drawn to his huge feet?  You know the saying ladies, the bigger the feet the bigger the expense of buying new shoes lol. Bet you weren’t expecting that now, were you? Shame on you! with that dirty mind of yours. And we’re back in the room.

 “Don’t be embarrassed, you’ve got the looks girl, use your god given gift to get what you want in this life,” he says with a smile.

“Just one last question, tell me why i should give you the job over the other applicants? He asks whilst tapping the top of his pen on his teeth. (it’s starting to grate on me if I’m honest)

“Well, I’m driven, motivated and a  good time keeper, i won’t let you down i promise, i need this job Richard. I really do” I plead (god! I sound desperate)

“Why, this job? your grades are good, in actual fact your over qualified for this job and if i’m honest, if i were to hire you i would be holding you back from greater opportunities,” he says throwing a concerned look.

“Ok Richard, like I said earlier on i have a terminally ill brother, who needs a bone marrow transplant, and i need to save to pay privately for a donor, without the operation he has two years at max so this is why I need this job” I quickly blurt out then throw him a set of my best puppy dog eyes.

“Does his care interfere with your work usually? He replies.

“No, i’m still a very independent woman, i just have to make sure he takes his medication and in the correct order,” I sheepishly reply.

“Ok, i think I’ve got what i need for now, i have a few more applicants to see but your chances are looking good,” he says with a smile.

Pause! I’m so excited his words are literally music to my ears. Yes it’s only minimum wage but some money is better than no money, wouldn’t you agree?

And play!  “Really, you won’t regret it,” I reply then for some reason I kiss him on the cheek.

his look says it all, taken back doesn’t even come close to describe  the look of surprise on his face. I mean what the Jeremy Kyle was I thinking? Who the hell kisses their potential boss? Me that’s who, please ground just open up and swallow me up, god I feel like a slut.

I turn, hastily on my heels, thank him for the opportunity and make a hasty retreat. God! That was embarrassing. I still feel I have this job in the bag though, do you? I know my actions were inappropriate but it happened so get over it. I have and I can’t wait to get home and tell Ben the good news.   

CHAPTER 2: Ben! Get your ass out of  bed

My residence 10 am

The drive home was laborious as usual, not to mention the pervy taxi driver that kept adjusting his mirror to try and get a vantage point to see down my cleavage. I shocked him though when I pretended to drop something on the floor then leant over to pick it up, the colour on his face was priceless, serves him right for being a perv. Funnily enough he never made eye contact after that, not even when we pulled up outside my house. He just put his hand over his shoulder and took my money. I opened my door and got out. Screeeeech! That’s the sound his wheels made as he spun off. I’ve a feeling he was embarrassed, serves him right for being a bloody perv.

I start the walk up my dishevelled concrete drive. I say dishevelled because that exactly what it is. You see the previous winter was quite severe and what with six foot of snow and the freezing frost, well let’s just say it took its toll on the drive and there are pot holes everywhere. Imagine your garden under attack from a mole and that’s how my drive looks just to give you a mental image.

Then there’s the garden, well where do I start? When my dad was alive these lawns used to be neatly trimmed and emerald blades would dance under the daily breeze. Not now though. I have never had green fingers. I think I was more like my mum than my dad in that respect. Ben hasn’t helped either. Since mum and dad passed his constant fascination with tinkering with old machinery has turned the back yard into a scrapyard. I kid you not you’d think gypsies lived here. I don’t mind though, his tinkering keeps his mind occupied from his illness, the mess is a small price to pay, and as for those sweeping lawns that lead up to the house, well let’s just say where once grass was there is now mud. I’ve just been too busy to tend to it, couple that with the stupid mower scorching the grass when I cut it last and yeah the result is mud.      

The house itself is a hovel. Once it had beautifully painted window frames and shiny door knockers to welcome you as you approached, however since mum and dad passed away I haven’t been able to keep on top of the maintenance; I kid you not from the outside your first impression would be the house is empty and derelict. Yes it’s bad and I bet my mum and dad are looking down thinking Jenny! What the hell have you done to our lovely house and they’d be right to think it too. Well my reply to that would be no disrespect you should have left me more money then lol.

 Well I could talk about the house all day, however I have more important issues to attend to like waking my lazy ass brother up and giving him his daily medication.

On a serious note though before I go inside, I am grateful for the house and I do feel guilty for letting it get in this state of decay.

 You’re probably thinking if she is struggling for money why doesn’t she just sell, and I hear you loud and clear but sorry, to us that isn’t an option and I’d rather starve first. Stupid! I know but it is the last of my mum and dad and we made some great memories here and to me money can’t replace family values although it would go a long way to help my brother get the help he needs.

Well that’s enough about the house Bens not going to get himself up now is he? If i let him he’d sleep the day away.

Damn it! Why is it you can never find the right key when you need it. I’ve got keys galore. Front door, back door, shed door and not to mention the garage door, I mean seriously when I walk you can hear me coming.

Got it! I insert the key and give it a wiggle. The lock is old and rusty. I think the internal parts could do with a good dose of wd40 ; another job to add to the ever increasing list. Maybe Ben can have a look at it later?

 Finally the door creaks open the hinge at the bottom needs replacing it’s being held by a single screw and as I push it open it whines like an injured cat. If that don’t wake Ben up I don’t know what will.

I enter the porch and hang my coat. This floor was once covered with a nice thick shag pile cream carpet it’s worn down now to almost paper thin, so thin in fact there is scaring in places and that’s not the worst of it, the lovely wall paper that my dad hung to perfection now hangs off like a sagging sunflower when it hasn’t had its fill of sun. Like I said, derelict or pigsty if you prefer.

The whole house needs gutting. I wish I had the money to restore it to its former glory so I can make my mum and dad proud, well a girl can dream, cant she? lol.  

Bens room is on the ground floor, left of the living room, he’s just too weak to use the stairs and then there is the risk of him falling, so to eliminate the risk we decided he should turn the old games room into his bedroom, luckily there is two bathrooms in this house one on the ground floor and one upstairs so he only has a short walk from his room to the bathroom, any closer and it would be en-suit.

I stop just outside his door and listen. Can you hear him? He’s still asleep snoring like a trooper. To be fair to Ben though I think his medication makes him lethargic and the effects from that makes him sleep longer.

I enter his room. The floor, or more appropriately his laundrette.  I mean seriously doesn’t he know how to pick up his clothes and put them in the wash basket? The floor is nowhere to be seen, he’s even got dirty washing mixed with his clean clothes.

 Why do I bother I give up. I really do. He’s had it far too easy. When mum was alive she picked his clothes up and now that she has gone I find myself filling her role. Not like I have any choice. I kid you not if I’d let him he would sit and sleep in the same clothes day after day. Scruffy twat!

Then there is his hygiene. I really cannot remember the last time he brushed his teeth. The other day he was complaining of tooth ache, soon remedied that though, can’t beat a bit of string and a door knob to pull out the offending tooth. Ben bless him screamed like a little girl as it shot from his mouth and to be honest I expected more blood, however after rinsing his mouth a few times with cold water it stopped as quick as it started. Maybe now he will brush his teeth? However I won’t hold my breath on that one.

I think it’s time to let some of that glorious sunshine in. I draw the curtains back then push his window ajar letting the warm breeze replace the foul smell of his sweaty feet. The sunshine filters into his room and creates puddles of light on the floor and I watch angrily as Ben pulls the duvet up and over his head to block out the offending light.

“That’s it! I have had enough” I think as I come to stop at his bedside.  

I lean over him then grab his shoulder and gently rock him side to side saying,  “Come on Ben, wakey, wakey, rise and shine, look at it, it’s a beautiful day, the sun is shining the birds are singing. Come on! You’re sleeping your life away; anyway time for your meds kiddo.”

I continue to rock him, at first he pulls the covers tightly around his head then buries himself into his pillow, however I’m not one to be defeated and with another gentle rock I finally get a rise out him.

“Jesus Jenny! What’s a guy go to do to get some sleep around here? And it better not be early” He retorts popping his head out for a second.

Early! I look down at my watch. “Ben it’s now coming up to quarter to eleven, seriously kid how much sleep do you need?” I ask playfully whilst trying to pull the covers off of him.

Sis! “Seriously, do one and let me sleep” he replies in a huff then pulls the covers back over his head.

Can you remember what I said about not being a defeatist? Well you can scratch that off I’ve changed my mind, time for a different tact, I’ll compromise with him. 

“Ok Ben, i can see your tired, please take your meds then i will let you go back to sleep, do we have a deal? I ask then watch as his head pops out from the duvet.

 Ha, ha it made me chuckle to be fair, he reminded me of a tortoise popping his head out of its shell.

Fine! “Give them here, anyway why are you so chirpy this morning?” he snaps whilst holding his hands out for his medication.

I smirk and reply, “Can’t I just be cheerful?”

Nah! “That’s not it, now spill sis”

“No Ben! Take your meds then I’ll tell you if you’re really that interested.”

 Fine! “give them here. I hope you’re enjoying making your brother sick.”

“Ben?  just take them and please don’t mess around, remember red first, then the amber followed lastly by the green just like the changing of the traffic lights.”

I place them in the correct order in the palm of his hand and chuckle to myself as I look down at the pills that resembled a set of traffic lights in the palm of his hand.

I watch as he pops them into his mouth and swallows them down with some water from his bedside drawers. Suddenly he starts to choke. I waste no time and quickly slap his back which in turn ejects the green pill from his mouth and I watch as it flies across the room and lands and rolls under the wardrobe.

I drop to my knees and try and recover the sacred pill, however the space is too small to get my hand under. I wouldn’t mind but the green pills are in short supply whereas I have a plethora of the other two colours. It’s a good job we are back at the doctors later this week.  

I quickly rush to the kitchen and pop another green pill from its pouch and return to Ben and hand it to him.

Really! “Do I have to sis? It’s alright for you sis, you don’t have to put up with the side effects, the dizziness, the feeling of nausea, i take that many pills, if you were to shake me hard enough, I’d rattle, i’m sure of it,” he says as he reluctantly downs the last pill.

“I know there are side effects Ben and really I do sympathise with you but those pills are what are keeping you alive and without them you would be dead by now” i scorn.

Huh! “True sis and don’t you think I know that?”

“Ben?”

“What sis?”

“I promised i would look after you, I will get you that transplant if it’s the last thing I do. I swear to you Ben, you will be around for my wedding one day and with dad gone I will need you to walk me down that isle and give me away” I say with tear filled eyes.

Ben starts to sniffle then rubs his eyes then turns in his back to me. I knew the only reason he had turned was because he didn’t want me to see him crying.

“You’re not crying are you Ben? I ask whilst pulling him to face me.

“Yeah, sorry sis, I just miss mum and dad so much, and I would be honoured to give you away,” he says wiping his tears.

“Oh Ben ya soppy sod, come here, I miss them too you know. Please don’t cry or you will set me off then we will both look a right pair, wont we?” I reply then give him a cuddle

“Sorry sis, you must think me pathetic?”

I listen to his reply then decide enough of this morbid shit in fact I was so pleased he downed all his pills without messing me about. You see usually he messes around and switches the colours when I’m not looking. Surly he knows they’re prescribed in that order for a reason or is it he just likes winding me up? Anyway a deals a deal, I better tell him my good news

“Ben?”

“Yeah sis”

“The reason I was so cheerful earlier was i went for an interview this morning while you were in the land of nod, and fingers crossed I think i stand a good chance of getting it” i reply smiling.

“Huh! Another one, Don’t get your hopes up sis, how many times have you thought the same, only to be dis heartened when it doesn’t come through for you. My motto, expect the worse, then if it does come through it’s a bonus,” he replies showering me in his brotherly wisdom.

“Thanks Ben, means a lot to me that you care so much, even if you can be a thorn in my side at times” I reply with a wink.

I watch as his eyes gloss over then he says something that knocks me for six

“Sometimes sis, i wish i were dead, then you would be free of this curse mum and dad have left you. I know I’m holding you back, this isn’t the life mum and dad would have wanted for you,” he says whilst wiping his eyes on his sleeve.

Poor kid, how low must he feel to come out with something like that? I mean that’s some deep shit right there. Hang on that’s got me thinking, do you think he might have suicidal tendencies? God! I hope not. The last thing I want is to find him dead one morning. I mean can you imagine it? I’d go into his room and shake him however this time there would be no response so I’d roll him over and see those lifeless eyes staring back at me, not to mention how pale and stiff his ligaments would be. God! I can picture it now. I better nip this in the bud now before it gets out of hand.   

“Don’t you dare say that Ben, i have done nothing but sacrifice for you so don’t you dare be so selfish, you’re my brother and i love you” I reply with forked tongue then throw my arms around him and give him a sisterly hug.

“Sorry sis, i just wanted more for you, that’s all,” he replies with tears streaming down his face then squeezes me to his chest.

“At the end of the day, I’m still young and there’s plenty of time to follow my dreams, ya daft sod” I reply then ruffle his hair with my hand.

I got the jest though of what he was trying to say though. You see I always wanted to be a lawyer, but that went tits up after my mum and dad died and I had to drop out of college to look after Ben. So yeah I can see where he is coming from. So reply, “Ben, honestly it’s fine. We will get you sorted then I’ll follow my dreams, as I said before I’m still young and I have plenty of time to follow my dreams. 

The phone begins to ring.

Ring, ring, ring, I take my phone from my pocket then flip the lid and we both look down at my phones screen and the flashing number corresponded with Richards.

“It’s that job I went for this morning. Shit! What do I do? I say to Ben.

Ring, ring, the phone continues to gently vibrate in the palm of my hand, it tickled causing me to giggle. (Don’t think me rude, little tip a vibrating phone has more than one use. Just keep that between ourselves)

I continue to watch it blink Richards’s number thinking shall I answer it or not. I mean what if it’s bad news and I haven’t got the job, I’d be devastated. You see I’m down to my last few hundred and it’s getting to that point where I have to make a choice either pay the bills and keep the electricity and gas on or buy food and have no hot water or light. Shit I know. Have you ever been that skint you have been faced with the same dilemma? However on the flip side it could be good news then I’d be over the moon and I could afford both then. Jeeze don’t you just hate dilemmas, shall I answer it? I look across to Ben for some moral support but instead I can see the phones ring tone is starting to grate on him.

“Well answer it then, or are you just going to listen to it ring? Ben snaps, the constant ringing must have gotten to him either that or he’s starting with one of his headaches. He regularly gets a headache around an hour after he has taken his pills.

Fine! “I will then.”

Talk about peer pressure.

I pick the phone up and press the answer button then place the phone against my ear.

“Hello, is that Richard?”

“Yes”

“Sorry it took me so long to answer, i was in the shower, what can I do for you? I ask whilst listening as my heart beat ten to the dozen against my chest.  

“I’m so sorry Jenny, unfortunately (PAUSE) now unfortunately meant only one thing to me and I have heard it a thousand times and before I listen to the rest of the conversation I already know that I haven’t been offered the job (play)

“It’s bad news, i have filled the vacancy, i will keep your name on file and if something else comes up in the future i will call you, ok?”

“Yeah fine” I reply dis-heartedly whilst thinking condescending prick!

“Hey, chin up. There will be other jobs out there for you and to be honest Jenny i have done you massive favour, you would have been wasted in this job.”

I sigh and reply, “Whatever Richard! you have no idea how many jobs I have applied for, how many interviews I have attended just to be told the same old shit that I’m not good enough to do the job.”

“Now jenny, I didn’t exactly say you weren’t good enough, now did i?”

Huh, “no not in so many words but you may as well have. Do you know this month I have to choose between eating or keeping the gas and electric running?”

“Err, no“

“Well that’s how skint I am. I really needed this job, please reconsider, I’m begging you Richard” god I sound destitute and so….. desperate. Do you think that’s how I came across too? Maybe turning on the waterworks might have the desired effect. What do you think?

Well I may as well I can’t make things any worse now.

The tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down my face. I felt the muscles of my chin tremble like a small child and  look to Ben for comfort.

“Are you crying jenny?” Richard asks.

“Yes, no ,maybe. I reply with uncertainty. Well I had to keep him guessing. The trick of guilt is to achieve ones goal with minimum effort. 

“Oh Jenny, look,  I’m really sorry, but the other applicant was fully trained and for me that’s the better choice, so wipe those tears from that pretty face of yours and I promise you something will turn up soon. I wish you all the luck for the future, bye Jenny” he says in a condescending pitch then hangs up the phone. 

Shit! Double shit, I blew it again. Why can’t I get a simple barmaids job? Shit!, shit, shit” Richard you fucking wanker” I vent loudly then throw the phone on Bens bed. Seriously though I’m truly gutted, yet again my hopes and dreams have been shattered and any chance of my Brother Ben going private is slipping away out of my reach.

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