I didn't want to be this way

   The word BITCH . Thats what i become and i wouldn't trade it. I'm cold, heartless, and less caring. I wasn't always this way but, people changed me and, gave me reasons to be. I keep my guard up, i dont believe what people say and, being called "beautiful" doesn't faze me much anymore. I still cry over the same thing, in my darkest hour but, nobody knows. I hate your face, i hate the lies you fed me and, most of all i hate how much i loved you. We used to be best friends and, we used to talk about everything. I have no one to talk too now, i look for people but they dont understand me. Everyday feels so ugly, i smile but inside im dying. Im tired of people telling me that im beautiful. STOP.....because in thee end it doesn't solve anything and, yet im still left alone.

     Sometimes i look in the mirror and, i try to see the good in me but, it faded away. Im still sane but not 100 percent. Im still me but, not completely. Promises, promises but damn talk is cheap. Can you just shut-up? Its so easy for people to walk away from me after they made it seem like it wasn't. I told you beauty hurts. (Literally)

       I put this image in my head on how i have to be. You just dont understand. I used to be very caring and, i used to do allot for you. Remember when you got sick and, i made you a get-well letter? No. You said i could do anything i ever wanted but, i think you just said that for saying it. It wasn't just you but, i believed that you would be the one to mean it. I  thought for some stupid reason you could be the one ....for me. How could you lie to me like that? Why was it so easy for you to accept your future but not include me in it like we planned?.........Talk is cheap.

       Why do people only talk to me when their bored, or when their drunk or barely miss the sight of me? Im not a blow up doll and, you just use me when you feel like it. Thats how i feel ..used and betrayed by most. I didn't tell you everything so you could go do the same. Sometimes i ask myself if you really really miss me? No. I keep telling myself that people are going to walk out of your life and, i have to accept it. You weren't the first but, not time i'll make sure im not the one who gets hurt. Have you ever seen or hurt someone so bad, that you can't even comfort them? And mostly because it was your fault? That's pain. That's how you know you fucked up. You lost words, you lost yourself, and most of all you lost them.That's the worst kind of pain.

You lost me.

      Im cold, but it keeps me warm, Im mean but im actually nice, Im not a bitch but sometimes i just have to be.  The word BITCH . Thats what i become and i wouldn't trade it but, I didn't want to be this way.