I love you more (Chapter 1)

I hadn’t really used my phone since it had gotten so close to the anniversary of Lucas’s death. The amount of messages that had been piling up were probably ridiculous by now. It’d been almost a year since Lucas jumped off that bridge. I still think of the email I received from his NCO. “I’m sorry to inform you that Lucas is in the hospital. He jumped off a bridge while he was supposed to be at work. He has some memory loss. His other injuries should heal with time.” That was wrong. Within four days, his heart was failing and they were going to put him on life support. He chose to die.

I fell into another round of sobs when my phone began to ring. I looked at the screen and read the name. I swallowed and took a deep breath before answering. “Hi, Belle.” I said overly cheery. I winced at my own enthusiasm and rolled my eyes.

“Wow, Rayne. You sound like you’re in a good mood.” I could hear the sarcasm in her voice. I bit back a sigh, understanding that she’d seen right through my chipper facade. “So, you’ve been refusing to go to anywhere but school for the past month and you’ve barely been going to that. I suggest that you and I go out somewhere. You can pick. We can go to the movies or out to eat. I’m totally paying.” Her voice was in the tone of nearly begging and I cringed slightly.

“Belle, I don’t want to go anywhere.” I felt the tears brimming on the edge of my eyelashes. I tried to blink them away but more filled their place.

“Well I’m outside your house, so you don’t have a choice. Kay is out here too and so is Lena.” I didn’t reply absorbing the shock as she listed the names. Belle was from a place two towns over and didn’t know Kay or Lena very well. She’d met Lena through Jaxon and Link. Belle happened to be dating Link and Lena was dating Jaxon. Ironically, the boys were twins and brought the girls together.  Lena was a short, and rather small girl, though she was very strong, with dark black dyed hair and an attitude that could intimidate grown men. Her dress style showed through this very well. I smiled remembering how much she first intimated Kay, and even Lucas whether he would have ever admitted it or not. I immediately became agitated with the fact that she brought Kay along.

“You brought Kay?” I sighed letting myself finally lash out. “Why would you bring Kay?” He and I had officially been introduced a while back at a school based function and had become friends rather quickly. He wanted to become more than friends and I rejected him. Repeatedly. I was in love with Lucas, and had been since Lucas and I had met, three years previous to his passing. Now that it had been nearly a year since Lucas had passed away, Belle insisted I become interested in someone else. Kay, she decided, was the best option. I on the other hand, did not think so.

“I’m coming inside.” She said it calmly but I heard the real meaning in her voice. “You won’t hurt his feelings. He cares about you like everyone else. You will not be a bitch.”

“Fine.” With that I heard a car door slam outside and she clicked off the phone. She didn’t even bother to knock at this point. She stormed in and started grabbing clothes for me to wear. She never looked up or said a word, only handed me clothes and glared when I tried to argue. I nodded with a silent understanding and got dressed. Applying my perfume and briefly applying some makeup, I heard the horn honk from outside and bristled slightly, knowing it was Lena.

“Come on, Rayne! You’re killing us!” Lena shouted from outside. I knew that by now Kay was cowering awkwardly from the backseat trying to hide his anxiety from Lena.

I sighed and walked silently with Belle down the porch stairs. She looked at me and smiled weakly and I smiled back. I noted Lena sitting shot gun and grinned slightly when I saw Kay doing exactly what I suspected. His head hung slightly down, wild dirty blonde hair falling into his face, as if he were shielding himself from Lena’s loud voice. He straightened up when he saw, putting on his big tough guy facade.

I waved at Lena and him both and slid into the backseat next to him, noting him blush as I wrapped my arms around the seat in front of me, watching Lena jokingly try to squirm away before turning to hug me back. Kay sat up awkwardly as Belle got in and started the car.

“Link and Jaxon are meeting us at the movies. I pre-arranged everything.” Belle said cooly, flipping her blond hair behind her. I tensed, realizing exactly what it was that this was supposed to be. We were supposed to be going on a triple date to the movies. I’m sure she’d already picked out a movie to see, probably a chick flick that all the guys other than Kay would cringe at. Anger ripped through me as I sat up straight to look at Belle and Lena.

“You planned this.” I hissed at my friends sitting in the front. I couldn’t get angry at Kay, he wouldn’t have been involved and I knew that.

“Don’t get snappy, Rayne. I’ll tie you to the hood of the car if you mess with this. You’re going and that’s final.” Lena snapped at me, looking me dead in the eyes as if daring that I fight her. “You’re not the only one dealing with this, Rayne. He was my friend too and I’m here, I’m living and I’m watching you suffer. He’s dead and you have no choice but to deal with it. Being a bitch about it won’t solve anything and it sure as hell won’t bring him back.” She whipped back around and I hung my head slightly ashamed that it’d come to this.

Lena was always intimidating but rarely yelled at me. Only when I actually needed it. I bit my lip to fight the tears brimming in my eyes.

“I loved him.” I whispered to myself, one tear dropping into my lap. No one heard me as Belle turned on the radio, over happily singing to the songs. I lifted my head to see Kay staring sadly at me. I smiled sweetly at him, feeling my face soften under his gaze. There was always something about his soft blue eyes that made me want to be kinder. Not only to him, but to anyone that was around us. I felt a surge of guilt run through me for being so hateful to my friends. 

I starting signing to him, seeing his face light up as I did. Kay signed back quickly, laughing at me as I struggled to keep up.

“Kay, you know I can’t go that fast.” I signed, giggling. He smiled playfully and began to sign back, slower.

“Maybe you should practice more.” He stuck his tongue out, accentuating the word, more with his hands. 

While, he was not longer deaf due to the beautiful advances of technology, he still had trouble talking and felt more comfortable signing. Something I had learned how to do, long before I met him. Though, after about two years of actually being able to hear, he was finally starting to get more comfortable. He grinned happily at me and sat back, satisfied.

I rolled my eyes and punched him in the arm softly. He looked at me and cocked his head sideways, smiling his goofy lopsided grin.

“What?” he asked softly, his voice nearly purring. I blushed as he stared at me flirtatiously.

“Quit that!” I said half jokingly. He frowned and raised an eyebrow. I sighed. “Nothing, Kay.”

He nodded, understandingly and frowned. I tried to half smile at him and leaned my head back. Lena and Belle looked at us and grinned. They chatted away as we drove to the movies, acting as if we were no longer there. Kay stared out the window, casting worried looks in my direction. At one point he began to sign to me, but I ignored him and put my headphones in, closing my eyes and letting Evanescence take me away.