Reasons why I bleed (chapter 1 Seraphina)

Seraphina

The moment the strange boy was out of view the pain hit. Grant’s hand connected to my face and I hit the ground. The asphalt was hard and I felt the rocks dig hard into my arms. I let out a shriek of pain and curl myself into a ball, hoping that he thinks the slap is enough.

“Don’t embarrass me like this anymore, Sera.” He said, dangerously calm. I looked up at him from the ground and he smiled, holding out his hand to me. I took his hand and he gently raised me from the ground. Carefully, he pulled me to him, kissing my forehead softly. “I love you, Sera.”

I nuzzled my face into his chest and mumbled an I love you, back. My face throbbed and I could feel the blood running down my arm from where I’d hit the asphalt. Grant ran his hand gently through my hair and took my hand softly in his. I looked up at him and smiled. He ran a finger over my cheek where he had just slapped me and sighed softly. I watched him, wondering what he was thinking, feeling every emotion but comfort wash over me.

“Why do you have to bruise so easily, Seraphina? It makes it difficult to put you in your place sometimes.” He murmured, kissing my neck softly. I sighed, letting myself pull closer to him.

“I-I’m sorry.” I whimpered miserably. I wished nothing more than to get away from him, but how? I couldn’t escape from his grasp on my mind anymore than I could escape his grasp around my neck. He grabbed my hand, and we continued to walk home in silence.

This is how things seemed to always be. We’d fight, he’d hit me and then we’d go to our destination in silence where I’d be forced to pretend I was just clumsy and had yet again done something to hurt myself. He’d later buy me a gift and apologize for “overreacting” and call me cute pet names until I finally gave in. Of course, he always explained how the overreaction was my fault anyways. If I wasn’t always doing something wrong, he wouldn’t have to act in such a way. I always tried to remember how things were when he and I had first started dating. For the first three months, he was loving and kind and protective of me. There was never a day where he didn’t wrap me up in his arms and call me beautiful, and I loved that. I was in love with him. Then, suddenly like someone flipped a switch, things began to change. He became easily angered and at first he would hit walls, and yell. Then he stopped yelling and started becoming dangerously calm. A calm that was only revealed as anger when a hand came across my face or a hard first to wherever he could get closest to.

As we approached home, I watched his face change into a false happy that only I could decipher from. He pulled me into him and mumbled into my ear, a soft threat and a plan of what happened to my face. I shivered in fear and nodded up at him.

“Yes, baby. Of course.” I mumbled. “I would never tell what really happened. It was just to teach a lesson. I know you love me.” He smiled and kissed my forehead before we walked into the house. He wrapped his arm around me, and smiled at my family.

I sighed and smiled at everyone. No one suspected a thing, and they never would. My stomach churned and I put an arm over it, trying to push the nausea away. If I got up without telling him why, he’d get mad, and I was certain he would go for my stomach. I would have to tell him eventually.

“Are you okay? You look a little green.” Grant asked, frowning slightly. I smiled at him and shook my head.

“Don’t worry, I’m just a little nauseous.” I smiled weakly and he kissed my cheek softly.

“I think maybe you should go lay down.” He said softly, as he nipped my ear. We walked slowly to my room and he laid a hand on my back, guiding me to my bed.

“Grant, I’m fine.” I mumble, the nausea taking over making me curl up under my blankets. Grant wrapped the blankets over me, kissing my head softly. I sighed softly, and looked up at him. “I’m not feeling so well. Maybe, it’d be wise for you to go home, you know.” I paused hesitating. “just in case I’m sick.”

He looked at me and kissed my forehead again.

“Sweetheart, I’ll stay here with you.” He laid down beside me and curled around me, kissing my neck softly. I murmured softly and felt the warm of him against me. “I wouldn’t want my princess to miss me.” He said softly. This was the best time to tell him. I felt comfortable and he was being so kind and loving.

“Grant, can I ask you a question?” I said softly. He mumbled a yes into the back of my neck and kissed me again.

“How do you feel about kids?” I asked softly and slowly. Grant tensed and wrapped his hand tightly around my arm. I whimpered in pain and tried to stay calm.

“I like kids. You know that. Why are you asking me, Seraphina?” He said in that terrifyingly calm voice that made me know how bad I’d messed up.

“I-I’m just curious, baby.” I tried to laugh off the pain and reassure him, but it wasn’t working like I had hoped.

“Don’t lie to me, bitch.” He whispered sharply to me. Pulling me against him and yanking me so that I faced him, he looked me dead in the eyes. “Why did you ask, Sera?” He said, glaring at me.

“I’m pregnant, Grant.” His face suddenly cleared and he let go of me. Fear washed over me like a flower in a thunderstorm. He sat up and walked away from the bed. I watched him, not daring to move and tried to hold my breath. I had no idea what to expect from him. He placed himself in front of me and lifted my chin up with his hand, and forcing me to look up at him.

“A baby.” He said quietly. “Get rid of it, Sera, or I will do it myself and I promise, sweetheart, you won’t like the way I fix the issue.” He kissed me softly, and left the room. I didn’t dare move, whether from fear or the nausea that was still over running my body, I wasn’t sure.

All that was left for me to do was save my baby and myself. I couldn’t decide how and I was thinking I was going to have to get some help. I pushed myself off of the bed and sighed miserably. Wrapping my hands around my stomach as if to encase the nausea, I walked to the bathroom, running a hot bath and keeping myself near the toilet in case anything tried to come up.

Footsteps led up to the door as I eased myself into the water and I tensed. My body was riddled with bruises, old and new and if it was my mother I would have no way to cover all of them. A knock on the door made me jump.

“It’s me.” Grant said softly. “Can I come in?” He asked, but of course it wasn’t a question. He slid himself inside of the bathroom and leaned against the door, staring at me. I was no longer insecure in front of him, but the bruises I had made me want to hide none the less.

“You’re so beautiful, Sera.” He said, coating his voice in a fakeness that made my skin crawl. “Why do you have to be so stupid? Did you really think I would just let you have a baby? We have plans. Kids are not one of them. This is your job. You keep yourself fit and attractive and do not let yourself become victim to a child.” He said sharply. I drew my arms around myself and looked up at him.

“I will get rid of it.” I said. Though, I knew even at that moment that I did not mean it. He smirked and nodded.

“That’s a good girl. Now, get cleaned up and feel better. I’m going home for the night, and I will be back in the morning. I expect you to be your usual self. Maybe a little better,” He paused, thinking of what he wanted. “smarter.” He said and then turned and let himself out of the bathroom. I listened as he stepped down the stairs to leave the house.

I let myself sink into the bathtub and squeezed my eyes tightly. I was never one to pray, but for right now, I needed God's help more than anything else in the world. I knew that if I were to keep this baby, I’d have to keep Grant away from me, but how? He is the only person that loves me, and he’s the only one that can keep me safe from the world. Maybe he truly does just want the best for me. Maybe getting rid of this child is a good idea.

I bowed my head and prayed to God while I sat in the warm water. Begging him to help me with such a problem. Was this baby a gift or a burden? Only time would help me to tell.