I love you more (Prologue)

Prologue

I stared at the Love you more pillow sitting on my bed and made another attempt at wiping away the tears rolling down my face. Sniffling, I sat on the edge of the bed pulling the pillow to me. I smiled past the tears remembering the memory that matched the pillow.

Lucas ran around me in the store, holding the pillow over my head, taunting me and laughing. I blushed jumping up to try to pull the pillow out of his hand.

“Lucas! People are starting to stare." I said, pretending to be angry, fighting the smile that was trying to fight its way across my lips. His dark brown eyes watched me with amusement.

“Oh but, Renee, I love when people stare at us.” He said, a smirk crossing his face. I stopped jumping, letting my faded strawberry blonde hair fall around my shoulders. Raising an eyebrow, I walked closely to him, our faces inches apart as he looked down at me, his same mischievous smile on his lips.

“Do you?” I said as I stood up on my toes to kiss him. His arms dropped around me, the pillow resting against my back as he pulled me into the kiss. My hand reached behind me and jerked the pillow out of his hand. I pulled away, wiggling out of his arms and waving it around. “Hah! See, I can get everything from you. Just. Like. That.” I grinned at him.

“You little sneak. I’ll get you for that, ya know?” His arms crossed over his chest, the muscles in his arms becoming much more obvious. I stood up straighter, pretending to be scared.

“Oh no you won’t. You’re such a teddy bear.” I said sticking my tongue out at him. I waved the pillow in front of me again and smirked. “Looky there, I love you more.” His eyebrow raised as he chased me down in the store wrapping his arms around me, repeatedly kissing my cheek as I squealed.

“No!” He said, dragging the word out as he kissed me. “I love you way more, always have,” he paused to kiss my cheek again. “And. I. Always. Will.” He said, kissing my cheek quickly after every word. I tried to squirm out of his grip, my back pressing against his chest as I held the pillow tightly to my chest.

I sighed, pressing the pillow tighter to me. “Well Lucas, I guess I really did love you more.” I choked back a sob that fought its’ way to the surface. My hair fell into my eyes and I tried to fight it away and wiped at the tears pouring from my eyes. My head turned to the cork board hanging on my wall, resting on the funeral program from a funeral I was unable to attend. Lucas smiled back at me from the picture on the program, his dark brown eyes shining as if he were the happiest person on Earth. What a lie. More tears bubbled over and fell down my face.

I thought about all the time that Lucas and I had spent together. All the laughing, the crying, the fights we had, the adventures we had planned. There was so much we were going to do. Now that he was gone, I didn’t see myself doing anything.

I felt numb and at the same time I felt everything all at once. Lucas had been my all and now I had nothing to show for it other than a broken heart and a eulogy I’ll never let leave my mind.

I pulled the pillow into my face and screamed as loud as I could. The person I’d loved had jumped off a bridge and I’d never even known he felt that alone.