Kensho

{This is Chapter 4 of a work in progress entitle MAY THE MASSES AWAKEN}

For me, personally,
Satori was a one-time deal, which is unfortunate simply because I’ve never
before experienced such spiritual solace and peace as I did that night.

However, that doesn’t
mean I was granted a visit by God, then cast out into the cold to suffer the
opposite for the rest of me life. 
Remember, I was only a young 19 when I experienced satori, and though I
strived countless times to reach that state again, I have been blessed at least
a dozen times with the state called kensho: 
the little satori.

Kensho is blessed in
Its own rite.  It isn’t quite as profound
as satori, but It is always closely related to the same Truth which satori
revealed.  And some of the kensho which I’ve
experienced over the past 2 decades have been exquisitely mystical and
enlightening in nature.

For example, one
night back in ’92 or ’93, when I was working for the Florida Conservation
Corp., I decided to stay at the Corp. for the weekend, as opposed to stay the
weekend at me folks house in Tavares, which is what I usually did on the
weekend.

Anyhow, some of my
cohorts had some pretty good weed at the time, which I partook of this
particular night.  Now, being a hang-out
master of old, I’d normally just hang out with me friends and shoot the
shit.  But I felt particularly
uncomfortable that night, so I went back to my dorm room to try and find a
little peace.

Before I go into the
kensho that happened, I must first explain something which will help you
understand why it happened. I’ve mentioned Ouspensky’s The Fourth Way.  Well, it
just so happened that I’d been in a deep study of The Fourth Way at this particular time (it’s something I try and
brush up on every 5 years or so).  And
remember The Fourth Way, or The Work,
is the psychology of Man’s possible evolution. 

The gist of what I’d
been studying at the time is that we don’t have one mind, but really like 3 or
4, which all work at different frequencies or vibrations.  Essentially, different speeds.

I believe it was
Ouspensky who claimed that there are 4 different minds which compose our
psychology, but I personally prefer Gurdjieff’s 3.  Throughout Gurdjieff’s massive tome Beelzebub’s Tales to His Grandson, Beelzebub
always refers to us crazy humans as those 3-brained beings.  These 3 brains, or mind centers, are Moving,
Emotional, and Intellectual.

It is because these 3
mind centers function at different speeds which answers the proverbial question
as to why humans generally lack grace. 
The speeds at which our 3 brains function is inharmonious, therefore we
are seldom mindful of where we are at and what we are doing.

So, on this
particular night, over 2 decades ago, I did have a vague comprehension of this
concept of 3 or 4 minds inside us working at different speeds, but it was
merely theoretical.  As I said, I went
back to my dorm room because I was feeling uncomfortable, physically.  When I got there the discomfort grew even
worse.  My heart began beating at such an
accelerated pace that I could feel and hear it pounding in my eardrums.  I’d experience this before and knew it to be
the essence of fear.  I was afraid I was
going to die, and fear only fed the quickening speed of my heartbeat, which in
turn fed my fear that my heart was going to cease beating completely.

I was lying down on
my back, trying to calm down and get back to normal, when I looked down to my
right had to see a beautiful praying mantis perched on my wrist, staring at
me.  I was still in a panic state, so I
stood up and did the only thing I knew to do in this situation:  I began doing tai chi.

I was blessed that
night for 3 reasons:  1) Because I knew
tai chi; 2) because I’d been studying The Work; and 3) simply because God
granted me grace.

With my heart racing
a mile a minute, I began the exceptionally slow movements of tai chi.  The praying mantis, crawling up to me shoulder,
went along for the ride.

My thoughts were
still reeling and erratic, but after the first minute of the dance, I was
relieved to notice my heartbeat begin to slow back to its normal pace.  The fear I’d been so thoroughly gripped by
finally left me, and me body became more centered and balanced.  The fear gone, my emotions then slowed down
to harmonize with the movements of my body. 
Then my intellect, which was about its usual tiresome task of thinking
about things that are completely irrelevant, finally gave up that task and
joined my emotional center in the harmonious awareness of me body’s motion.

At this moment was
when grace was granted and a true kensho was experienced.  Still in the slow celestial movement of tai
chi, my consciousness perceived a much greater and literally pure Conscious
Mind that was moving me.  It held me,
body and mind, like a warm galactic blanket. 

Ahhhhh!  The Great Comforter.  So that’s what He meant.

The following poem I
wrote the next day.  If only words could
grant you the experience …

The Dance with the Mantis

Did
you know I danced with a mantis?

Waited
to die, yet somehow came slowly

Waded
in liquid of which I have told you

The
Aether of Thinking pervades all about you

I
almost died that night I danced

With
the cool mantis, in its cool trance

But
now I wake, or fall asleep

Or
maybe both united deep

Dreaming
Thought thinking motion

How
I love to feel you deeply

Guide
me through this image ocean

Now
awake so I can see me

Here
be God Thought, now Thinking your hearing

Here
be God Thought, now Thinking your seeing

Here
be God Thought, now Thinking your feeling

Here
be God Thought, now Thinking you’re Thinking

Life
is the Thought of God and Only

Nothing
outside weeping lonely

You
are the reflection of God, now smile

Now
look inside and wait awhile