The monsters inside us.

When you lose your path in darkness and cruelty, you find something out about your true self. There is somewhat blissfulness about your hate toward humanity, and your bitterness to kindness. I find myself sitting alone in my room a lot. I ponder about how the world works and find myself doubting humanity. I think that there is a deep darkness in our hearts, one that consumes until there is no more light in our hearts. That darkness is what leads to the downfall of empires and civilizations that work like clocks. We can only hope that our race can get over that handicap and follow the beauty of our potential. If this is at all possible we can achieve greatness.

This is a story about my brief experience house sitting for an old man while he was away. I was waiting for him to call all the while sitting on the couch. I find that staring out over the lake through the large windows is really peaceful.

The call came about 7pm. It was kind of a surprise because he was 6 time zones away. I found myself asking how his trip was when he cut me off.

“Please, just give me a moment to gather myself.”

“Okay.” I said.

He went on asking me if I cleaned and fed his dog, which I did and answered correctly. He stated how late it was and said he needed sleep, so I let him go. I went back to staring out over the lake, and found myself feeling the peace of the surrounding Zen that the lake gave me. I find that being alone is when my mind is at total rest. I felt the breeze from the open window, it was warm summer air and it smelled of grass and dirt. I could hear some bees humming and birds settling down in their nests for the night. I found myself becoming tired and walked to the wall with the light switch to turn them off and head to bed. I heard the dog walking behind me and felt utter terror engulf my whole body. I looked around and saw nothing, so I shrugged it off and turned off the lights. I looked at the dog that stared back at me with a puzzled yet concerned look on its face. This is when I found myself thinking of darkness and despair which was overwhelming me. Shortly after realizing this I felt tranquil and relaxed, like realizing this made it all go away.

Now this story isn’t about killing anyone or any ghosts, but something more sinister. It’s about the monsters inside of us all. We all have to deal with it and feel the terror and anguish that come with them.