My first time...

It has never left me , even though it happened years ago . Its still a vivid memory to this day . I knew one day it would come , indeed it was part of the job , not that it was any easier all the same . 
I still remember my stomach churning as I walked up the path . I recall rehearsing what had to be said over and over again . So I sounded compassionate and human , not like an automaton . Even though it was quite a busy road , I still remember the silence as I waited for the door to be answered ....
Now the moment came , there was no turning back (not that I could have) . The door had been opened . A man stood in his hallway looking at me . Neither of us had met before . My throat was now very dry , the words had to be pushed through a bottleneck in my throat . I heard myself saying them as I watched his facial expression change and uncoil .
He had probably answered the door expecting anyone but me . Maybe he thought it was a delivery or a request for a meter reading . What had he been doing prior to the doorbell ringing ? If he was eating he now had no appetite , if he had been watching television , now the program would hold no further interest .
He kept asking me if I was sure , that there had been no awful misunderstanding . How I wished there was but I knew there was no error . We were far too professional an organization to commit a mistake on a matter as important as that.
Human instinct told me to try to console him . My professional training told me to be slightly detached . I felt pulled like a seesaw inside . Now I had done what I had to do , all I wanted to do was leave the property but I could not . I had to wait while he phoned his wife , I could sense her world falling apart from just his side of the conversation . How he assured her there had been no mistake , he told her to come home straight away , he told her not to drive , he knew she was in no mental state too. He asked me questions I couldn't answer , he asked me for knowledge I did not have . 
I left the property mentally drained , I left feeling empty inside. I would not see the family again . That did not mean they had not left a mark in my life . Since then I have had to do the same sad assignment on numerous occasions , but none scarred me like that first time .