my life til 16

(This will be a summerized partial autobiography honestly I only know one story more depressing that mine,and that one is not mine to tell. I always knew I was unique, I have a couple memories of events that happened before I was born, my sisters birthday party that happened 2 months before I was born, yet I can recall the magician,the rabbit. even the box flippy trick and the color of the cake, but how I was still in the womb, I'm trying to point out, you can be made of gold and your life still suck. when I was bornmy life was happy enough, Iit wasnt until I was about 2 or 3 that I first remember my mom kicking me across the floor when my dad was on call with the marines. another time she hog tied me with duct tape and squirted soap in my mouth then taped over it so I would snort bubbles out my nose. yet throughout it all I did not feel fear or pain. almost like I was born stronger some how. I loved my mom but for some reason she didnt love me, in case your wondering why my father did nothing.....well he was busy beating on my mom,and breaking things,punching holes in walls, that kind of stuff. he beat my sisters and my step brother, but not me. Nope my mom made sure she was the dealter of all my beatings. One time my mom grabbed me by the ankle and drug me down the stairs, then threw me at the brick part of the fire place,knocking me unconcious, later that day I was playing with my friends, at the time I figured this is what families do, this is love. Skipp ahead about 10 years several hundred beatings later. my dad dies we all cry, waaa waaa waa, even my mom. Seems no matter how many black eyes you get, it,s hard not to miss sombody who you have lived with for 12 years, he died of a heart attack on the job a retired marine working at harbor freight. i thought maby if dad isnt here to hit mommy she wont hit me.....wrong, instead since i carry a uncanny resemblance to my father she took it upon herself to get back for all the countless times he beat on her, as if the beatings and one stabbing was not enough, you have to realize I was getting thrown down laundry shoots before I was 5. I did the best I could trying to stay happy but I started having to take medication, before all this I did not address the problem now they wanted me to talk about it, I was fine ignoring the pain, I was happier. I was obedient so I talked, and sure enough they slap crazy across my forehead, autistic,learning disabled, adhd,bipolar, hearing impaired even, but I alwayse found it funny why am I learning disabled if I never have to have things repeated, you say I have trouble learning but you cant seem to come up with any proof? zoom ahead a few months andabout 10 more beatings my mom has me corned In the kitchen with a steak knife and she plunges itIinto my ribs.....fuck yea it hurt, but then she guilts me, or I should say she alwayse guilted me and brain washed me to believe if I told id go to some child molestors house. like being beaten was better, than getting adopted, or put into foster care. I didnt go to the hospital, I remember I kept bleeding, and crying, I was only 12 so I kept putting bandaids on it and I was bleeding so much they would come off, at the timeI was clever Iin certain areas but definitly not in others, I ruined my sheets trying to wipe away all theblood, my mom walked in I said I was sorry for getting blood on the sheets, she shoved her fingers on my mouth and sat on me, I gagged so hard and blood was still flowing,eventually she stuck a tampon in the wound so I walked around with a string sticking out of my side for about a week, it clotted up. and then got really infected, then I went to the hospital she told them I had become emo, and she discovered I liked to abuse myself. I dont know how people who go to ollege for 6 plus years can be fooled by a singlemother who went for 2 but they bought Iit. simular situations happen 2 other times, once was with a kabob I just pulled it out of my hand, and the 2nd time I was 16 she stabbed at me again with a steak knife, I blocked with my arms, and it just cut me, I still have the scar. I lost my mind, I pushed her into the fridge, it fell back and she screamed, she stabbed me over dog shit. I hated her so much, I didnt want to kill her just put the pain she put in my inside her, I pressed hands against her face, I thought of all the countless times she had beaten me, all the nights I fell asleep crying, I pressed so hard on her face I heard her bones creaking. Just then the police kicked open the door, I tried to plead self defence, but all they saw was a depressed fat kid sitting on his mother, so they tazered me, and beat me was batons, screaming stop resisting, I pissed and crapped my pants, as they drug me toward the car. my mom ran out either in regret of what she did or in fear of being caught. She begged and begged and they let me go without even sitting in a cop car, we didnt talk for weeks but eventually I made up my mind, I packed my bags, and swore I wouldnt be home until I knew what my worth was in this world, I lived at relatives houses during school season and in summers I hitch hiked, and did farming or landscaping jobs, I lived in the woods and ate what I killed oor what people game me. I end with this because after this my life was not sad or depressing I had discovered myself by running away and fending for myself, I hope my story helps you find the resolve to give it your all to overcome your darkness