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I've never really talked about my depression. I waited about three years to tell my parents and they told me it is just a phase and it will go away. When my mom asked me if I ever tried to hurt myself or have, I lied and told her no. I used to draw on my skin with pencils until my skin broke apart and then I'd color over it with pen to hide it. What they don't know is that every time they yelled at me for drawring on myself it was just me saving them some pain. For three years I thought about committing suicide and sometimes I thought I'd try. Some people know I have depression but I've never explained how bad. I can never find the words to explain what it feels like. It's like an empty pit feeling. It's not just being sad. It's smiling at jokes you can't find funny, smiling when you are on the verge of crying. When evryone asks you if you are okay and you smile and say yes and that you could never be better.  Standing aorund the people who make  you the most comfortable and happy and feeling empty. It's like going to marry the person you are madly in love with and seeing a stranger standing there waiting for you. Not finding joy in things that you couldn't have dreamed of living without just 6 months ago. Nothing is the same abymore. You don't care about how many friends you lose. It is like knowing how to talk but you can't speak, knowing how to walk but you can't move, Knowing how to breathe but suffocating. You don't care if you fail school. Some days you pray something happens so you don't have to wake up the next day. Yet, not even all of these descriptions can explain what depression feels like. Not one of these discriptions is even close to what it is like to go through it every day, bcause you simply lose yourself, and sometimes everyone.