Broken family

You know that beautiful bond you get with your family? Where your grandparents have sleep overs with you and throw you birthday parties and tell you boys are stupid? I wish I knew what that was like. My "grandparents" shunned us because my mom is white and my "grandmother" did not like that nor the fact that my mom was around. My "grandparents" were the first people to break my heart, and it turns out, it would ruin me forever. At a very young age, I want to say maybe five, I learned my "grandparents" did not love me. Yes, you read that right. They do not love me. They forgot how old I was. They always made excuses they couldn't see me. At one point, my grandfather was my absolute best friend. he meant everything to me, until he didn't anymore. See now, my grandmother new how to poison people. She knew how to work people so they'd do what she wanted. And for me, that meant she would tell our family that anybody who welcomed me, my parents, and my brother into their home would be shunned by the rest of the family. My grandparents started off with forgetting my age, then my birthday, then they told my cousin she wasn't allowed to speak to me. Part of me wishes I could spit in their face, the other part wishes I could make them hurt like they made me hurt. Because at the simple age of five I believe love was not real and that if someone told you they loved you they didn't mean it. I'm now 19, married to my best friend and high school sweet heart, going back to college after taking a year off, and planning where I want to travel with my amazing husband. to this day I still have trouble simply saying I love you. I couldn't tell my mom for years, and still rarely do, not because I don't love her, but because I have to prove it or it doesn't count to me. In fifth grade I invited these people to my field trip because I simply craved their love and wanted them in my life, and that was the last time I ever made an effort. At 13 they told my parents to put me on birth control so I wouldn't end up pregnant and ruining my life like a slut. Now, my aunt, my cousin, and most of my family were teen moms so this really confused and hurt me. The only time I ever saw them was when my parents would beg me to go. Even though they hated my mother my mom still tried to make things between them better. Once I was 15 or so I completely stopped seeing these people. These people who were supposed to mean everything to me made me believe I wasn't worth being loved or having love. They made me believe I was weak for having emotions.I believed that love wasn't real and that everyone who told me they loved me was lying and using me. But then, when I turned 18 I called the bank they put payments in from my birth up until I was maybe 16 and found out that the money they were putting away for me and my brother they had used, to buy a house and an rv and give their old home to my aunt for free. Now, my family was not very well off because I have a brother with special needs and a half brother so I was counting on this money to help pay for college and a small reception for me and my husband. I knew people could be cold, but never like this. I have no idea if they know I am married. They know I graduated because my mom once again tried to be the bigger person and invite them and they blew me off for a softball game. Time and time again I believed I was broken and worthless and for years I have felt so empty. But, now I am trying to move on. I have a great marriage with my soul mate and even though I suffer with depression and anxiety he still holds me and loves me and lets me be a broken mess in his arms. I might have been broken for a long time, but I've always had the desire to spread love to everybody, because nobody deserves to feel how I felt at such a young age.